This Good...

September 2011...Really??

2011-09-03T20:16:00.000-04:00

Somehow, unbelievably, it is September 2011. I think I am ready to begin blogging again after too long of an absence. So, what is the current status of things? Let's update by family member...

D, the Hubster - still pastoring away and getting all the paperwork necessary for Methodist ordainment, Navy chaplaincy, and Methodist endorsement. He continues to be my best friend, the best dad I could ever have prayed for, and my biggest cheerleader and supporter.

Doodle - she is back to taking dance class, has started piano lessons, and is enjoying 5th grade. Her heart is so sweet and pure and she is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside.

Meesta - he is still our gymnastics stud, progressing by leaps and bounds. He is enjoying 5th grade and the extra independence that seems to have come with that. We are so proud of the young man he is becoming.

Shenzy - our little whirlwind of stubbornness and wit just turned 7! It is hard to believe she is growing up because she still seems so physically little, but has always been much older in intelligence and sense of humor. She continues to keep us on our toes.

Yours truly - work is going well right now, it has been incredibly busy and is now just regular busy, but still exhausting. My PhD continues to go well, my first 3 chapters were recently approved and then this past week the IRB approved my research and I am now able to travel to Cambodia to collect my data as soon as I have all the pieces in place...not sure when that will be for a variety of factors, but likely early November 2011.

Hopefully I will get back in the groove of preserving memories and processing thoughts in this little safe place.

Cheers,
CC

The Winter Grouchies

2010-11-17T16:29:00.000-05:00

It has gotten cold and I rather don't like it. Where was fall? It went from being a record high summer, all hot all the time to cold and yucky. Oh well, I remind myself that I am safe and secure from the elements, my job doesn't even require me to be outside working, so no whining allowed! Yet, the grouchies linger and I can attribute them mostly to the weather.

I am ready for Thanksgiving and have enjoyed my own self-imposed 30 days of stating what I am thankful for on Facebook. Some are deep, some are superficial - but true (like coffee!).

D has been working out with the same training as the Navy Seals. We are soon to be one of those couples where people ponder about how I got so darned lucky - not that they don't already, but it is becoming even more obvious! I am working on it though, my sendentary lifestyle (desk job, dissertation, mom disguised as taxi cab) does not lend to lots of activity, but I am trying to be more aware of what I put in my mouth and trying to move more.

Dissertation work is moving along I am happy to report. I have been collecting articles and books like it was my job (if only that paid!!) and will be doing some productive writing over the next 2 weeks. My current goal is to have my first draft of the proposal done by the first week of January...which is really not that far away.

Kids are gearing up for competitions and conventions, at least 2 of them are. I will be spending ridiculous amounts of time at these events I am sure and spending far too much money on eating out, registration fees, etc. They will have a ball though and are only young once and I am going to enjoy and try not to grouse about the money and time. I am proud of their abilities and am going to support their passions.

A good friend (who reads this but NEVER comments;) is going through a hard time and my heart breaks for her. She deserves happiness more than about anyone I know and it just seems to evade her best efforts. For prayer warriors who read, please join me in praying for N, she is one of my best friends and I wish I could make it all right.

I continue to see sadness every day around the world as I try to stay informed about what is going on globally, especially as it pertains to women and children. It is hard to stay focused on the positives when there are so many negatives. But, I know there are so many people working to do wonderful things in a selfless manner and I choose to focus on what they are doing and to contribute in whatever manner I can (prayers, $, spreading the word).

Until next time,
CC

Identity Crisis

2010-11-10T12:33:00.000-05:00

Yes, it has been 6 months since I have visited. I could provide a million excuses, but let's just suffice it to say that life has been its usually busy self - on fast forward. So, let's do a quick recap for my own memory's sake.

The kids finished their first school year wonderfully, this area is good for them for sure. Meesta is now on the competitive men's gymnastics team at our local gym - he is doing amazing and his little body is changing right in front of our eyes. Such a wonderful and handsome little guy. Doodle is on the performance team for gymnastics and has also taken a strong interest in sewing, for which we have hired someone to teach her given that I am completely inept in that area. Shenzy is doing wonderfully, also sprouting right up but also seemingly so little too. She is on the competitive dance team and is also learning to play the violin - she has lots of talent in her little self. They are all just amazing kids and I am so blessed that I am their mom.

D is doing great, the congregation has welcomed us and especially him with lots of love - and food! He continues to be my biggest supporter, my best friend, and all that other gooey stuff. He is simply amazing and I wish our happiness for every marriage.

Me, I have finally finished all the coursework for my PhD - what a long road, 3 years of essentially nonstop classes (1 week break between quarters really doesn't count as a break in my opinion)! I am now trying to buckle down and get the dissertation written. I am such a deadline person, it has been hard for me to work on it and I have rather enjoyed the lack of stress and constant due dates for homework. Just in the last 2 weeks I have started kicking it into gear, finally! I really want to be done in 2011, so I must press on as there are lots of waiting periods and I need to stay on top of this to get it done.

Now, for the identify crisis. Despite all the positives above, I am still very discontent. I am ready for a new daily purpose. My work provides the needs, but I am lacking that internal drive to keep doing what I am forever. I need more purpose. I want to take my passions for international development work, especially with women and children, to the next level and make it my career. This is a huge jump and I am nervous, but I know that deep down, I am nearing the end of my tolerance for my current role. The superficiality and nonsense are a struggle to deal with. The importance of what I am doing seem to be lost and I am ready for meaning in my career.

OK, all for now, hopefully I will be here more often.

*I am presently praying fervently for a child in Haiti named Kephania. She is an orphan and is very ill. She has captured my heart.

Life is Good...but I can make it better!
CC

Mother's Day

2010-05-08T21:14:00.000-04:00

Mother's Day, while overhyped commercially, is such a valuable day for me. I am grateful on this day for my kiddos, their birth moms, and my wonderful husband. I am grateful for my mom, my grandma, my great-grandma, and my aunts, all who loved me and showed me how to love and to give of myself unconditionally. I am grateful for my mother-in-law, who has never been intrusive and raised a wonderful man I am blessed to call my husband. I am grateful to all of those women who have mothered me over the years in small and big ways.

Happy Mother's Day 2010!

CC

Rejuvinated

2010-05-05T09:09:00.001-04:00

Sometimes one must get a shock or a smack or just a break to regain focus and clarity. I have experienced all of these over the last couple of months and think today, after a lovely night's sleep, I am ready to set a course that I can follow and hope I will be back on here more to keep the updates documented.

So, given that I am a list and to-do person, I work best with them...I am very Type A and like to check things off lists and must accomplish many things in a day to feel I lived it the right way. Yes, I exhaust myself, and my family, but that is me.

Plans for the future, long-term and short-term:

1. Lose a minimum of 20 pounds by October.

This is 5 full months from now. That is only 4 pounds per month, which is just 1 pound per week. Totally achievable! I will do this by exercising at least 2x per week and journaling my food. I also have signed up for WW online.

2. Finish my PhD by the end of 2011.

I must survive 4 more weeks of this quarter (2 classes). I get a 1-week break, then I have 12 more weeks of coursework (2 classes) and then I AM DONE WITH ALL THE COURSEWORK!!!!! I have done a dual specialization in nonprofit management and nongovernmental organizations (NGOs) and so it has taken me a little longer than some others, but this is the degree I want. I have a good focus on what my dissertation will be about and I have every intention of completing it in 4 quarters (1 year as that is the minimum amount of time it can take you), but am giving myself until the end of 2011 just in case. However, I am very hopeful that by the end of the summer quarter 2011 - I will be Dr. CC.

3. Update my CV/resume and start sending it out.

This one is hard. I have worked for my company for 10 years and while I like what I do and I have great benefits and an excellent salary, my heart is just not in it. I have networked and worked every angle I know to get within an area of the company where my interests and heart could be matched much more with my education and background...but this week I received my second blow where I realized more than ever, the old boys' network is alive and well. I am just not sure I will ever break that barrier. It still might happen that I could get in the area that I want, and I am not rushing to get out of my company (although with all the cuts they are doing, I might be on my way out sooner than I would want!). But, I know in my heart that doors are shutting for a reason and I have been praying for God to light the path that I am to follow, and understandably, that means that some doors will have to darken. I am comfortable there, I like most of my coworkers, and I have the HUGE added benefit of being able to telework now, which is a necessity given D's career choices (which I support). I don't look forward to the searching and the decisions that will have to follow - BUT, I am very excited about the opportunities that I know await!

4. Get out of debt.

We are closer than we have ever been and by this time next year, we will have zero debt with the exception of my student loans (and maybe a bit of D's left as well). The freedom of mind that comes with this is huge. I still want to have some fun and I could probably get out of debt a month or two sooner if we don't take any trips, etc...but living life and having those experiences are worth another month or two to me.

OK, it looks like we have a top 4 list.

Life is this good...
CC

Discerning

2010-02-28T19:05:00.001-05:00

My current mental focus is on discerning God's will for me. I have plenty of wants and wishes, desires galore and some of them are rather nagging, but are they God's prompting or my human selfish desires? That is the question.

I have long believed that my intuition is God talking to me and I don't know that I have ever pondered so deeply about anything. Nothing serious going on, home life is great, school I am surviving, just trying to anticipate where my career should go.

I have been praying, although probably not nearly enough. I have been talking to the hubster about it, he knows me so well and is a great sounding board.

When to rock the boat, that is the question...

CC

How Do You Know?

2010-01-29T13:54:00.001-05:00

So, the question I have been pondering for some time is perhaps one common among many families at our stage of life: Are we done adding to our family?

Looking from the outside in, I realize that this is an insane question for our family, 2 parents working full-time (one being a pastor who's job never seems to end), one who just finished grad school, the other who is working towards her PhD, 3 kids who are busy with sports and other activities and are just on the verge of that social butterfly thing and wanting to hang out at others' houses and have others over to ours...and this, and that - well, you get the picture. But, I have just always had that nagging feeling that there are more out there that will one day call me mom. It is just some sort of gut instinct thing, which for me, is God talking to me.

I have chalked this gut instinct up to a possible child that we will adopt into our family who is in a bad situation, a friend of the kids perhaps, I am not sure. OR, it could be the space in my heart that still exists, will forever, for our Laurel Chompa and Lily Bopha, 2 girls in Cambodia that we all consider to be part of our family, but for a thousand reasons they are not able to come to the US and officially be our daughters. Unfortunately, their tale has taken a sad turn and their future is definitely in jeopardy due to bad influences; all I can do for them is pray.

For us, the decision to have another child goes far beyond a wonderful evening...;) Our journey to parenthood involves reams of paperwork, invasive scrutiny of our personal and financial lives, and tens of thousands of dollars. Not that I am complaining (OK, maybe a little bit), because I am honestly beyond grateful for our 3 cherubs, they are truly beyond words blessings, but, suffice it to say, our journey to parenthood is arduous.

There are lots of factors to consider, including but not limited to:

How will Shenzy handle another child in the family, this is one child with a distinct personality and I don't see her taking well to being an older sister, although I know she would adjust;
Financially, we are seeing a wonderful gleaming light at the end of the debt reduction tunnel, do we really want to run back into the fog (even though it would be temporary due to tax credits and work reimbursements);
Do we have the mental stamina to endure the world of adoption again? (we have been in knock down drag outs through our Cambodian adoptions and it took a lot out of us);
Do we rock our nice little family boat that seems to have all the holes plugged and life jackets securely fastened?;
What about paying for their colleges (not a HUGE concern for us, but one to consider; neither one of us had a dime to go to college and we both have Master's degrees and will both eventually have our PhDs, where there is a will, there is a way);
Will our family size limit where we can travel to and live as a Navy family?
From where would we adopt?

These are but a mere fraction of all the considerations that bounce around in my head like a pinball. But, there are a few things I do know with absolute certainty.

We have many blessings and much love to share with at least one more child.
We are blessed to have the resources to care for more children.
We know that God calls upon us to care and look after the orphans of the world, and I especially feel such a strong tug to do this beyond the charities we support on a monthly basis.

So, how do you know? I have been praying about this and felt somewhat settled that I was to sit tight and ride it out for a while in uncertainty. The images from Haiti tugged right at my easily plucked heartstrings though and smacked me in the face that while I am being complacent, there are kids all over the world waiting for a family. There were tons of kids in Haiti waiting before the earthquake and quite honestly, I had been following several blogs of people working with NGOs in Haiti (adoption and medical), but still did not feel compelled to take a step toward adoption. Don't mistake, Haitian adoptions were ridiculously challenging before the earthquake, now they will be even worse. But somewhere in the world, is there a kid who belongs in our home?

How do you know?

Deep ponderings, I know.

CC

Technology Run Amok!

2010-01-26T22:12:00.001-05:00

Today has been a day of extreme technological advances in the CC household.

1. I purchased a new laptop – very much needed. My other laptop still works and will become the kids’ laptop, but it literally takes about 15 minutes to boot up sometimes…much too long for this impatient chick.

2. I am setting up said laptop, adventure enough. With that setup comes my signing up for Skype! Woo Hoo, major advances.

3. I am using the new Windows 7 Windows Live Writer to type this and it is so quick and easy, watch out Nik – I just might start updating more than once a century;)

4. I UNofficially started my dissertation today! I put my name, previous degrees, and anticipated graduation date on the cover of the dissertation template. It is a small step, but a big one and I am happy!

All for now, thoughts around here are frequently of Haiti and those suffering unimaginable horrors, work stresses of uncertainty still, school stresses (desperately sick of it), and overall appreciation for our lot in life. We are blessed beyond belief and recognize it.

Until later,
CC

Rumors of my demise - Premature

2009-12-19T17:19:00.000-05:00

It is less than a week from Christmas and I believe this has been my longest absence from blogging. I just watched Julie and Julia last night and it had me thinking about my negligence on my own dear blog. The past 2 months have flown by and my days continue to get shorter and shorter. So, for my own memory when I review this in years to come, what have I been up to?

Work, it remains a very tenuous place right now, scheduled to cut 5500 jobs over the next 2 years, hoping and praying that mine is not one of them. Even though I now telework, the atmosphere there is very negative, too many changes, too much insecurity, too little trust of the people and new restrictions, all add up to not so positive of an environment. I am hoping it can turn itself around, but I guess time will tell.

School, well, I finished another quarter, probably my hardest thus far because it had the most nasty of all statistics classes. I rejoiced big time when it was over. I am already in Week 2 of my next quarter and I am so very very sick of school. I am ready for it to be over big time. I only have 3 quarters left of coursework, so by the end of this coming summer, I will only have my dissertation to complete, then, PhD BABY!!!!! I have a serious lack of desire right now though, am just trying to soldier on and remember I am almost done.

Family, everyone is doing well. The kids are doing awesome in school, hubby is doing wonderfully at his new job down here, and all is generally good. We are leaving on our cruise in just over a week and we are all excited about it:)!

I will try not to be so long - or so boring in the future:)

Life is This Good
CC

Statistics and Cruising

2009-10-04T15:34:00.000-04:00

Statistics and Cruising, the two terms do NOT go together, but are both on my mind. I have just finished Week 4 of my 8th quarter for school. I am a bit overwhelmed as there is a great deal of reading to do and a 5-credit hour statistics course. Ugghhh. I had stats in my master's degree program and didn't like it then, and deal with statistics on a daily basis, but in coordination with many statisticians who are rather brilliant. So, I am surviving, barely.

On the fun side, we have booked a cruise for a bit of fun in the sun! Woo Hoo!!! We all are rather ready for some fun and we are going to have it right after Christmas. We have booked a cruise that will have us gloriously unencumbered and unstressed for 5 nights and 6 days! We are all very excited. This has led me into extreme vigilance regarding what I eat and how much I exercise as I would prefer to weigh at least 15 pounds less before we go, but I will not let that deter the amount of fun I have.

Just wanted to check in, we are all healthy and doing well and I believe are NOT going to be getting the H1N1 vaccine, I am just not comfortable with it. Lots of reasons, but it is based on both my gut and a fair bit of research.

All for now, life is definitely this good!
CC

Kiva Reloan X 2 = Feels Good

2009-09-17T12:47:00.000-04:00

I just logged into my Kiva to see if I had any funds that had been repaid so that I could reloan them, and I did, I had enough to do two $25 loans! Awesome feeling to know that I am being a part of something so powerful and life-altering! A feel good moment for me in the midst of continued turmoil in my work life and increasing dread at doing my school work (yet I shall persevere!).

I am reading Nick Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn's new book, Half the Sky, and it is just awesome, inspiring, motivating, and beautiful. I won't say more right now as it is, for me, almost a religious experience to read this book and I just need to absorb it all. The stories of evil and hope, successe and failures, are the real stories that should be spread, not what some narcissitic celebrity is doing on any given day. I want to ditch my work and my school work and sit and read and read, but alas, I must be responsible.

CC

Change is The Only Constant

2009-09-15T12:31:00.001-04:00

I feel like I am at a crossroads of sorts. I am reminding myself frequently that I am on the path that I feel God is leading me down. Sometimes I want to jump ship and dive headfirst into my future career...but I know that I must learn how to swim and dive properly (finish my PhD), after buying all the proper equipment (finish paying off all my debt), before I take off on my daring adventure (working within the NGO world).

These feelings are intensified by the fact that my employer continues to make big changes that leave my future there unknown. The economy and regulatory changes are requiring that business be done differently, and that differently is still being defined. While I feel somewhat comfortable that I am okay for now, who knows what the future holds.

For now, I must try to be a good mom to be kids, wife to my husband, friend to those I value, employee to my company, and student to my educational institution. This should leave me content enough, but there is just a nagging need to do more that I can't seem to quiet.

Just my thoughts for now...
CC

Wonderful Weekend

2009-09-07T21:06:00.002-04:00

This has truly been one of those really great weekends. Sighhhhh of relaxation and relief. We had some good friends stop for a surprise lunch on their way down south and then we had some good friends come and spend he night with us and hang for 2 days. It was all rather divine. The kids have had a great weekend and even the dog behaved. Thank you God.

I really don't wish for Tuesday...back to school and back to work. I begin my 8th quarter of my PhD and this will be a rough one as I have a rather challenging stats class plus my research focus and another class. This degree will definitely have been earned.

I hope the weekend has been just as lovely to all of my internet friends!

Life is indeed this good,
CC

Applications Being Accepted

2009-08-21T09:03:00.002-04:00

Well, things have finally settled down around the CC household. But, let us recap, if for my future memory's failure if nothing else. It has been quite a busy spring and summer. We had:

(1)D's graduation from seminary and all the parties, pomp and circumstance that followed that.

(2)Rather all-inclusive (making it sound resort-like) work project that left me with just enough hours to try to live as well as work

(3)More coursework as I forge ahead to get my PhD tattoo

(4)MOVING to a new town, 2 hours away from our nearest family or friends

(5)Getting to know a new church family and having them all over to our new house...4 meals on 4 nights

(6)Getting cherubs used to the new place and getting them registered and prepared for their new school

(7)Getting new everything arranged and determined (doctors, hairdressers - still need one, banks, gyms, and on and on)

Now that the above is mostly done and over with, I realized that I need some FRIENDS down here. Casual acquaintances, yes, these I have made through church, and they have sufficed for now; but, I stopped for a minute the other day and realized I was a bit lonely for adult female, near my age, chit chat and socialization. I am not looking to make the best friend I ever had down here, I know our stay will likely only be 3 years here, but it would be divine to have someone I could go and get coffee with, someone who understands the challenges of work and motherhood, someone who might like to shop every now and again. I need a girl friend. So, I am not going to sit around and wallow in this, I am going to try to do something about it. So, my current plan is to try to get involved in the kid's school and maybe even the PTO (if you know me well, and are reading this...shut it), perhaps a women's bible study, or finally, put an ad in the local newspaper: friend needed for slightly neurotic, over-committed, impatient working mother of 3 who also happens to be in school (really, I will find time to hang out and chat). I sound delightful don't I?!

Wish me luck!

CC

All 3 Off

2009-08-13T10:00:00.004-04:00

All 3 of my cherubs are off to school. I have a range of emotions flowing, including, but not limited to the following: joy, fear, relief, trepidation, pride, worry, and adoration for my brave kids. They have embraced this new school with gusto and were only claiming to be a little bit nervous. I had the luxury of going to the same school, with the same people, from kindergarten through high school, and some even to undergrad as well. I can't understand what they are facing, but I love their approach, they are brave and adventurous.

Good luck sweeties!!!!!

Life is This Good

From the Mountains to Kindergarten

2009-08-07T18:18:00.002-04:00

In an effort to try to eek some fun out of this busy summer..and no, moving is not fun, we have been on a quick getaway to Tennessee. We really are not into country music or anything like that, but we do love beautiful areas and love log cabins, so we thought it would be a good little trip. I booked a gorgeous cabin for us to stay in and we thought we would just putz around, see the sites in Pigeon Forge and Gatlinburg and view some wildlife in the mountains.

Well, our cabin was gorgeous. But, it was flanked in a "rental cabin community" filled with probably 60 other gorgeous cabins, and while it was not really loud or bothersome, it took some of the seclusion out of our vacation festivities. And Pigeon Forge, for us, was a huge disappointment. The shows were overpriced in our opinion and all there were were repeat shops of cheap souvenirs and pancake houses. We spent a good deal of time at one of the kids entertainment facilities called The Track and we played putt-putt and rode rides and ran go-carts. So, this was the most fun for the kids. The most fun for the adults was the hot tub, enough said there.

As for Gatlinburg, it also was filled with things that just don't really interest us and yes, we probably should have done more homework on the place to know in advance we probably would not jive well with it, but it was a quick and easy vacation and we did not over plan. We did go up in one of the sky lifts though and that was fun for all of us to experience. I am a bit nervous of heights so I had to do some mental therapy with myself, but no crisis:). All in all, it was certainly not the best vacation ever, but it was not horrible either and I am very grateful that we were able to get away and relax for a few days, it was needed and we are blessed to have the resources to do so.

We are back now though and Miss Shenzy just had her assessment for early entry into kindergarten (she is too young by 28 days) and she passed with flying colors! Wooooo Hoooo! I was standing outside of the assessment door and was actually getting a bit nervous because I could not hear her answers to several of the questions and I had no idea what she said. I did have a moment of PTSD when I heard the tester because she was asking questions much like I had to when I was a neuropsychometrist ($15 word, I know). I hated being a neuropsychometrist with a burning passion and I made people cry on a daily basis, mostly those with a traumatic brain injury or organic brain disease...it was not cool, and to top it off, I was making $28,000/year with my master's degree...yeah, I didn't make it a year...and I sold out to big pharma and LOVE my job (most days)! Sorry, I digressed, but anyway, back to Shenzy, oh yes, she did fabulously and the assessor came out and said, well, I normally don't tell people, but she is solidly ready and I will call the school and have them call you on Monday!

So, we have only until next Thursday and then all 3 cherubs will be back in school, full time as Kindergarten down here is all day. We also signed them up for gymnastics today and tried to call for scouts, etc, etc...reestablishing your family in a new location is not a quick and easy task!

I am excited by this, I guess a tiny bit sad that my youngest is heading off to kindergarten, but I know she is ready and needs that challenge that school will bring her.

Life is This Good,
CC

Angel on Earth

2009-07-19T20:42:00.002-04:00

I know I have written about my great-grandma before, but, here I go again. My great-grandparents were the solid foundation for my youth. My mom was very young when she had me and she worked tirelessly, multiple jobs, to provide me with everything she never had. I was dressed nicely, in gymnastics, multiple dance classes, played sports, went out with friends, and on and on. Guess who took me to all of these things, who raised me in large portion...yep, my great-grandparents. They loved me beyond measure and even though they had lots of grandchildren and great-grandchildren, I always felt extra-special to them because I was with them so much.

My grandpa had his issues, including chain-smoking, a bit of cleptomania, and prostate and memory issues at the end...but he was a very loving man and he doted on me, perhaps to the extreme. I cannot remember a single softball game that I had that he did not attend, and I played every summer, even through college. After his health declined to the point that walking to the bleachers was tough, he and grandma would get to the field early enough to park along a fence in the outfield and would honk for me when I got a good hit or made a good play (I pitched).

Grandma was a housewife that married wayyyy to young and never worked outside the home. However, I have never met a more frugal, thrifty, and creative woman who always managed to make her own spending money and never failed to try to give it to me. Grandma and I have this special relationship to this day. She nicknamed me Poodie at about 1 week old and she and most of my family still call me this to this day. Grandma taught me so much, things books and education never can.

I visited Grandma yesterday when I was back in my hometown (which is now more than 3 hours from our current home). She will be 92 in September and I make it a priority to see her when I am in town, unfortunately, it is not often enough for her or for me. Her daughter, my grandma (with whom I am not nearly as close...some issues there), was there at the nursing home where Grandma has lived for about 4 years now when I got there with my 3 cherubs. It was nice to see her, but in the beginning she didn't know who I was for a few seconds, but then you could see the recognition hit her eyes and she smiled. She was not having a very good day my grandma said and within minutes, my great-grandma was crying that it was so good to see me and the kids. Grandma also told me that she had been crying earlier because they had made her eat lunch and it is hard for her to swallow and so she found the nursing home staff to be mean. Seeing my great-grandma cry, for any reason, was heart wrenching and all I wanted to do was take away her pain.

I sit here trying to come to terms with the circle of life and how child-like my grandma is now and wishing I was there for her like she was for me when I was the helpless one. She still has my unconditional love and my prayers every single day, but she doesn't have my presence and for that my heart is heavy. I am not in a position where I can quit my job and care for her full-time, but I kind of wish we lived in a society where this was expected and just happened within families as it does in many Asian cultures.

My great-grandma is truly my angel on earth, her love and kindness, her hospitality to all those who entered her home, her laugh, her gentle nature, her amazing cooking, every single thing about her and how she always was brings me happiness. It is very hard for me to reconcile her current being, one I know she is not happy in most of the time, with how she wants to be and how unfair this part of life really is. I don't want my grandma to go, although I know it is inevitable that we all will pass on some day. But, I also don't want her to suffer. An emotional paradox. For now, I will remember that twinkle of remembrance and happiness that she rewards me with when I get to see her and I will cherish her for everything that she symbolizes to me.

CC

Come On Down!!!!!

2009-07-12T21:28:00.002-04:00

We have moved. It was exhausting and stressful, but we love it down here. We are abut 2 hours south of where we used to live and there is a slight, but noticeable, difference in culture. The house we are in is probably more than 2x larger than the one we were in before, so that in and of itself makes this a marvelous situation. But wait, there is more!

The people in our new church have truly embraced us with open arms and there is plenty of growth that can be accomplished as this church has been through some trying times and just needs a good leader, and my hubster is that. We have already done our first mission project with them and we, along with the kids, had a really fun time.

I am now officially a teleworker and I could not possibly love it more. I will actually love it more when my desk arrives at the end of the week, until then though I will happily remain on the floor...in my HOME! This working from home thing is going to literally change my life. Dramatic, yes. But true. Already I have enjoyed my evenings more, and feel, in general, less stressed even though we are still in the throes of unpacking and trying to get settled. The hustle and bustle of getting myself ready, kids ready, everybody fed and out the door so that I could make it to work on time was exhausting and I guess after 7 years of doing that with the kids I was a bit spent in the energy department.

School is going to hopefully get accomplished quicker because I have more time back in each day. This should allow me to get that PhD tattoo on my hiney a bit sooner, which will in turn save me a lot of money! I am looking forward to really buckling down and getting it DONE. This semester has not really been a very bad one assignment wise, so I should be embracing this and working on research, but for now I am going to try to get all the way unpacked and settled so that my brain is not competing for tasks on the to-do list.

We signed up at the local YMCA and it is very nice. Should allow the whole fam to get some exercise and spend time together having fun in the pool! Also should allow me to continue on the weight loss journey that has been at a stale mate for almost 2 months now - but the good news is that I have not gained!

We have enjoyed having visitors already in the first week. We are looking forward to our 4th visitor in a little over a week tomorrow and then the 5th and 6th on Tuesday I hope!

That's the update for now...the kiddos are back in our old stomping grounds for VBS this week so we are going to miss them a ton!

CC

The Best Dad

2009-06-21T14:08:00.002-04:00

I got the raw end of the stick when it came to fathers. I mean, as I have grown up, I have come to realize that my life would have been worse if I had had a mean or abusive father, but I just had no father. There were times when this was awkward or made me feel like an oddball, but in general I must admit that I had a fine upbrining sans a male parent. My mom did an amazing job of putting me first and making sure that I had all the love that one parent can give.

However, I knew that I wanted to have kids, and I knew without a doubt that whoever my spouse was, they had to be a good dad. On this day, Father's Day, I pondered this while sitting through our last church service at our current church, where we have been now for 9 1/2 years. That is a long time! D preached and did a fantastic job but the day definitely has left me contemplative.

So what makes D such a good dad? First and foremost, he loves his wife. He shows it to me and to our children by the way he treats me, talks to me, looks at me, and loves me. He believes that he can only be the best dad to our kids if he and I are in the right place with our relationship. Secondly, he is a very dedicated dad. He loves his children immensely and in no way considers his alone time with them "babysitting" as I have heard some men refer to their solo childcare duties. He does a good job of being strict and teaching the kids what they need to know in order to be successful in this world and being fun and helping them explore the world.

So cheers to my favorite man in the world, my best friend, my partner in parenting, and truly the best person I know.

Happy Father's Day D! Thank you for being you.

Love, CC

Mish Mash

2009-06-18T08:06:00.002-04:00

My goodness, it has been a while since I have journaled here. That is 99% due to my job and the rather intense project that I was on for a good while. However, our work was worth it and not only was the FDA impressed with our company and how prepared and transparent we were, they expressed that our presentation should be the "model" for all pharma companies when they go to advisory committee meetings. How is that for a nice warm fuzzy? However, said work was exhausting, mentally draining, kept me away from my family, made it hard to get my homework done, and even caused me a bit of personal heartache. But it is done and hopefully it will result in adolescents with serious mental illness, namely bipolar disorder and schizophrenia, to have increased treatment options which they desperately need.

Back home now and trying to be in the groove, but we are moving soon...so that makes "normal" a bit tricky. D has been fantastic and been holding down the homestead and packing whilst I have been toiling at work. The movers arrive on July 2, so I have exactly 2 weeks to get everything packed and ready to go. This includes my office at work...uggghhh. But, this means that I will be working from home from that point forward as our new place is 2 hours from my office. And that, my friends, is a fantastic and beautiful thing. I have calculated that I will gain at a minimum, 2.5 hours back of my life EACH DAY!!!! This will make a radical difference in my days, hopefully making me a lot less rushed and stressed. My office is literally one door away from my bedroom and my coworkers won't care how my hair or outfit look! I will likely have more time to write my thoughts here for sure:)

This morning, we will head down our children's hospital because Meesta has outpatient eye surgery. While I know he will be fine in my cognitive brain, my emotional brain is rather worried about them putting him under, the negative effects of them "slipping" and nicking his tear duct or eye, you get it, all the typical parental worries. He is doing well with his nerves, if only I can hold mine together and not make him nervous.

All for now....reminding myself that life is this good...
CC

Shed a Ray of Light This Week

2009-05-18T09:38:00.002-04:00

I have a great life, really I do. I have whines and complaints like most, but they are not true problems. I was fortunate enough to be born into a society where I am able to be educated, I have freedom, and I can worship the religion I choose. It is so easy to forget these basic blessings and take them for granted. I just watched this video and it touched me that each and every day I can try to do better for those who need a hand up, not a hand out. Or even do a surprise payment for the person in the drive-up line behind you. Make someone's day somehow and show others that this great big world is really not as evil and cruel as we often times hear on the evening news.

I challenge you to take the time to stop and acknowledge someone this week who looks like they could use a caring being in their life. I challenge you to be a ray of light this week to someone.

Blessings,
CC

P.S. I am now the proud wife of a divinity graduate - WOO HOO">

Reminding myself

2009-05-10T20:56:00.004-04:00

*Warning, rambling post*...(very much like a paper I just finished)

Okay, I am reminding myself that I am going to get this darned degree and I need to stop doubting myself. I am not going to lie, it is hard, much harder than I thought it would be. The pressure between a stressful job (more so right now), trying to be a good mom and wife, trying very hard to lose weight and treat myself better, puting my school work as a priority just does not fit in. But here's the thing...I do not like to NOT do well. So, I am finding myself inhaling a lot lately, clenching my teeth, and trying to remind myself that this too shall pass.

Today is mother's day...commercial holiday, would rather it not come around. Since the time that I became a mother, my husband has worked for the church and is not home on Mother's Day morning, and so it is not your typical mom wakes up to breakfast in bed, yadda yadda. It is a normal day, one in which I remind myself (in between nagging them to hurry up, etc.) of just how incredibly blessed I am by these gifts from God. I do think of their first moms and always pray that if they are living, that they know in their hearts how loved, cherished and well cared for their little beings are, that they never worry about their security and whether they are safe, that they know they are being educated in the best schools, that they have wonderful healthcare, that they are tucked in each night with hugs and kisses by a mom and dad who adore their very existance. I hope they know how grateful we are.

We still have no idea where we are moving to and I am now at the point that I had reached during our adoption struggle with Doodle and Meesta - I don't want to go to church because people ask me and given my own emotional struggle with all of this, it sends me close to tears and brings my frustrations back to the surface. I went this morning, this happened, and so I chose not to go back to evening service to hear D preach. I just couldn't do it. I finished a 10-page paper that is due Monday by midnight (early for me!!), and am now sitting down getting ready to do some work-work as this is a very busy week there as well. We should know this week though - praying for sooner rather than later!

I wish all the Mother's who read this a great day and to all my friends who are not mothers but who act so very lovingly to kids around them (thinking of you Nik...! - especially to our kids), thank you for what you do. May you know that you are showing God's love to them through your care and nurturing.

AND, to any gentlemanly readers out there...thanks for loving the mommas!

Life is this good,
CC

Turn the Page

2009-05-03T16:21:00.002-04:00

I grew up in the 70s with a pretty hip mom and so I know ALL the words to all the Fleetwood Mac and Bob Seager songs out there. I still have a thing for 70s music. Lately, the words of Bob Seager's song, Turn the Page, has been floating between my ears. You see, I am in major transition mode right now. We are about to turn the page on one whole chapter of our life as a couple and as a family and while change is exhilarating, it is also scary.

We still don't know where we are moving but have a hint that if it is where it is currently intended, it would be too far for me to drive to work. This means telecommuting to work. I have been wanting this, looking very forward to it, but now that it is upon me, I do worry a bit about isolation. Despite my lack of chat here, I am a rather social person. I like witty banter, intellectual stimulation with people, and in general really like to hear others' perspectives. While all of this will be possible teleworking, it will just be different. And, it is very likely that from this move on, I will not work within the confines of a traditional office for a long time. Just pondering how it will be, that's all. It is a transition.

I am beginning to realize how much I am going to miss all of the people at our current church. D has worked there for 9 1/2 years now and we have been there since it was just D and I, sans cherubs. This was the church that saw us through a very long and dark year while trying to adopt Doodle and Meesta. This is the church where I feel comfortable and truly enjoy the people. We will be moving to a place where we know NOT A SOUL. Scary and exciting.

This will be the furthest I have technically lived away from my family and while I am going to be okay with it, I am worried about my mom. She loves to be with us. She drives an hour to come see us almost every weekend and if this move is the one, it will be likely at least 2-3 hours' (depending on where it is) drive for her to come and see us. She will take it hard.

I am both excited and nervous for D as this will be a big transition for him. I know he is ready though and am excited to see him spread his wings and truly show the gift that God has given him. I am a bit nervous that this new congregation might think I am a more "traditional" pastor's wife and have expectations of me. I hope that they understand my work and school commitments on top of my wife and mom priorities (always most important).

So, I guess I am just processing here. Big things on the horizon and without the actual knowledge of WHERE (which is really frustrating and downright upsetting to me at this point...and we already know we won't know anything this week...charming, huh?!) it is hard to process all of this in my already full and stressed peabrain.

I want to make this move as positive as I can for everyone, especially the kids, so bear with me as I use this as my venting location. I am excited, but also nervous, and feel unable to prepare as I should be able to due to the "secrecy" that is being made regarding these appointments. Also, work is a bit of a nightmare and I am attempting to survive it and keep up with my schoolwork and so actually think after reviewing all of this, I should seriously get some xana* in my system. I think it might be best for all!

On a positive and non-pensive note, nobody in my family has the swine flu (rather over hyped by the media if you ask me), I have a great job, I have the opportunity to further my education, we bought property and a garage (odd, I know) this past week so have a "home base" of sorts to store our stuff, we are healthy and happy. Go inner Pollyanna!!!

OK, all for now!

Life indeed is this good...and I must remember nothing really good is ever easy...
CC

Setting a Goal Date

2009-04-18T16:55:00.003-04:00

Sorry I have been so quiet lately, lots of work and little time always seem to be the culprit. I am currently at a residency for my PhD program and it has emphasized the need for me to set a goal date for getting my PhD DONE! It is estimated that this program is costing me $70/day. That, my friends, is a lot of money. Therefore, I don't want to spend any more than I have to!

So, stating here and now, I want to be done with it all, including my dissertation by summer 2011. This might mean I won't walk across the stage to receive my PhD until the January graduation, I don't believe I would be paying tuition during that time. My university only graduates people in January and July, so unless a miracle happens, I likely won't complete my dissertation until summer of 2011. While this sounds like a long time, in reality I know it will FLY BY! I can do my 2 primary research projects between now and next summer when my course work will end and then spend that year completing my dissertation. You might have to remind me of my positive mantra during that time period....I CAN DO IT!

On the home front, we are still without a clue as to where D will be assigned a church. On the one hand I am stressed a great deal about it, but on the other, I know there is a plan from God above and that D is truly doing his life's work so it will all work out. "To worry is to show a lack of faith in God"...my quoting this is much easier than my practicing it though!

Work is too busy still and I have never done this type of project before and there are a lot of players, including my G&D friend G (that is the good part of the project). Rapid timeline, crazy structure, stakes high = FUN....? This is when I thank God for my good job and buckle down to endure.

The kids are doing great as is D - who will be done with his MDiv in 2 short weeks! They are my reason for everything and I miss them so much since I am not with them until tomorrow.

OK, that is the update for now. Goal set, now I know what I must achieve.

Life is truly This GOOD!
CC

That Thing You Do

2009-03-31T22:58:00.002-04:00

Right now is one of those incredibly stressful times for me for multiple reasons, including, but in no means limited to the following: TOO MUCH WORK, transitioning the nonprofit, no idea where we are moving to and when exactly, school work and not making the progress I want on the research component, homework for my classes in school that never seems to end, lack of exercise, and on and on. Pleasant, huh?! I honestly try not to be a negative nelly, so I am sitting here trying to decompress and I am thinking of a humorous aspect of each of my family members that makes me smile.

Shenzy: She gives ear massages. Ever heard of this speciality? Neither had we, but she is a riot and it is not uncommon for her to be giving D an ear massage as she stands on her bed during prayer time, totally focused on her task at hand and oblivious to the oddity of this behavior. She looks like a professional and takes her task very seriously. She invented this, but it cracks me up every time I picture her doing this to him. She is the most passionate child when it comes to her love and she freely shares it with D and I and we are very blessed to be the recipients of it. She is a pint-sized package of power and while she is definitely overwhelming at times, it is amazing how well she has bonded with us and loves us. She has phrases of an adult (clean ones...come on now) and is truly a riot to converse with, she is 4 going on 24!

Meesta: He is a neat pack rat. I can't even be frustrated with it because it is honestly funny. If you were to enter his room, it is often picture perfect - but that is the surface level picture. He has always been a bit of a pack-rat, but has so many clean aspects like the perfect bed he makes every day, his deal not necessarily ours. However, knowing we are moving soon, I have been trying to pitch and sort as I have some time and last Saturday was such a day and his room was the destination. I threw away almost 2 BAGS (large trash bags, mind you) of just junk that was below the surface...broken toys stuffed here and there, papers, and on and on. Just thinking of it makes me smile for some reason, the kid is a riot. When asked why he didn't just throw stuff away, he said he didn't know, he was usually just in a hurry - for that I blame MYSELF as I pretty much rush them to hurry up at least once a day. When he holds my hand, in public, I melt inside that my little man is still not embarrassed to do this, that makes my mouth and heart smile.

Doodle: Every time I think of her laugh I smile, the girl has an infectious laugh. She is starting to show her spunk and as much as I am disapproving of the homework tossing situation, it makes me smile that she is spunky enough and has the gumption to outright toss her homework, IN HER CLASSROOM. She is much more complex than she seems. One memory of her that always makes me smile is when we were walking into the airport after landing in Cambodia last summer, right after she has had one of her worst grand mal seizures as we were landing...during which Meesta also had an accident, she was more worried about him and was comforting him instead of having any concern for her own self and what she had just endured. Her heart is huge and she is just beautiful to look at, enough to make anyone smile:)

D: Just knowing he is by my side makes me smile. He makes everything right and is always trying to lighten my mood and knows how to make me smile. He gets me...and loves me anyway...and is my safe place always. I love to see him interacting with our kids, which is something I never had growing up, and it heals that spot in my heart just a bit each time. He is the best person I know and I am so blessed to have him, and for that, I smile!

There, therapy for free after 11 at night. Can't beat that, and I feel better and am just about ready to go to bed. I do ask for your prayers as our family waits for our placement with the church. Our move has hit me harder since I now know who will be moving into our house, kind of like an eviction notice and the panic of where we are going is rising in me like a flood. I know that I need to have faith and realize that we will get where we are supposed to go and that we will be blessed to meet all new people with unique personalities and interests that will enrich our lives, but now that it is here, it is a bit overwhelming. This is where my driven, type A personality is a handicap!

Life is this good and I need to remember it!
CC

Trying Not to Judge

2009-03-22T13:41:00.003-04:00

I found myself in a position where I was uncomfortable with my own thoughts. I was very judgmental.

Following the dental appointments of last week with Dr. G, she recommended that I get the kids a specific electric toothbrush. Well, I try to be compliant, so before dance class, we popped into our local CVS to get said toothbrushes. After weaving through the maze of about 12 bazillion choices (seriously, I know competition is good and all but way too many choices and options), I take my 3 cherubs and procured toothbrushes to the counter to pay. In line in front of me was a rail thin lady who had a little baby, probably 9 months old or so in her cart, sleep outfit on, no coat, but hat (v. chilly out that day). She was checking out her goods...a 24-case of Old Milwaukee beer and a 2-pack of pregnancy tests.

Here is where I began my judgemental process....uggghhh!!! Now, it could be that neither or only one of those purchases were intended for her consumption/use. Who knows? But me, I found myself judging her including where she lived, who the father was, how cared for this child was, what social services she was getting money from, and on and on... Shocking how quickly and how in depth I took my little mental judgemental tirade in the span of a minute or two, but I did.

By admitting this, I am hopeful that I will try to stop myself the next time I head down this path. Hopefully, this lady was not both pregnant and intent on downing the case of beer. Hopefully the child she had already is well cared for and the lack of a coat on a chilly day was an oversight. Hopefully she is capable of supporting herself or her partner is supporting his family. Hopefully there is love and stability and the snapshot of the purchases actually speaks nothing of the situation.

Working on myself all the time, I am not to judge as I do not wish for others to judge me!!

I am a work in progress...

CC

Happy 8th Doodle and Meesta!!

2009-03-18T10:51:00.005-04:00

I would never have believed anyone who told me just how in love I would be when I held our children for the first time. It is an experience and emotion that is beyond words. We met and bonded for 3 weeks with our Doodle and Meesta during this time 7 years ago. This note is my reminiscing about that time...7 years ago right now.

Our story had begun to unfold a year before this when we had had enough of negative pregnancy tests (should have bought stock) and decided to proceed with our intentions to adopt internationally whether we had a bio child or not. We sent off an application, filled out immense and intruding volumes of paperwork and sent more money than we had off to various agencies and offices, and prayed that God would give us the child meant for our family. Fast forward several months and on October 20, 2001, we were given the referral of the most amazing and awesome baby girl living in an orphanage in Cambodia. We accepted her sight unseen and could not have been happier. Eleven days later, I received a phone call on October 31, 2001 from our adoption agency and she asked if I was sitting down. I immediately panicked and was worried something was wrong half way around the world. I was reassured that Doodle was fine, but they had news to share...the paperwork had been mixed up (and from everything we learned later, this is no surprise) and our daughter had a twin brother. She wanted to know whether we would want to accept his referral as well because if not, then they wanted to try to find a family that would take them both so they could stay together. Well, fortunately, we had applied to adopt 2 children anyway (God is in control...), and without any consultation with my darling husband, I start crying and tell her OF COURSE!!!! She said she would send over Meesta's picture and information...the torture was waiting to contact D and for him to get to a computer so we could both open the picture at the same time. We did and fell instantly in love with a rather unhappy and somewhat unhealthy looking baby boy who became our Meesta.

Two short months later, our dream of becoming their parents was slowed by the US government and their issuance of a moratorium on all adoptions from Cambodia due to the very greedy, sneaky and unethical actions by several. They essentially told all parents waiting to adopt from there to try another country...bu bye... Well, we did not go away quite so easily and I think they were shocked by the outrage and persistance of this group of amazing and unique families as we used the internet as a tool to bond, lobby, and eventually secure the finalization of most of our adoptions through simple persistance, annoyance, hard work, and I know prayer. We even marched in Washington D.C.!

During this waiting time, we were seeing movement and were even told that we were in "Group 2" so our adoption was going to be investigated (serious allegations of child trafficking in what was the Wild West of Adoptions in Cambodia so we were to understand). We made the decision to take leaves of absences from our jobs if needed, paid our bills for 3 months, and to take off to spend our children's first birthday with them, March 18, 2002. It was to change our lives forever. Seeing the poverty of Cambodia was humbling and in many ways made me ashamed of my life back in the States, we had so much and these people had so very little, at least materially and often times basic needs-wise as well. So unfair when the only difference happened to be where we were born. I am happy to report though that after traveling back to Cambodia now for almost 7 years now, things are improving! But, I digress...Our 3 weeks in Cambodia with our children were overwhelming as we tried to acclimate to becoming parents to these almost year-old babies who did not understand us, know our smell, and we did not know their ways - what they liked, didn't like, how to comfort them, make them laugh... All of this while in an unknown culture halfway from our comfort zone. To say it was a growing experience is an understatement. It was also a strengthening time for D and I as we tacked situations over this entire process that could have left "us" in ruins if we didn't have such a good friendship in addition to the love. In just 3 short weeks, we moved a couple of times, from the nice nice Micasa - to a guest house where we were staying next door to a mercinary (not kidding) who was tracking down Khmer Rouge fighters in the jungles and laying on a mattress on the floor with an AC unit that literally was blowing ants on us if we turned it on. The kitchen in this guest house...let's just say we never ate anything coming out of there...and the cats outside that called lustfully all night...it was more than I could handle. We moved then into the Golden Gate and all was well.

We celebrated the twins' birthday back at the Micasa in the room of another adoptive family and the room was full of other adoptive parents we had met online with their kiddos. It was one of those moments I will never in my entire life forget. Our family couldn't be with us to celebrate this, but this new group had become a family and were there to help us celebrate. What fun and sadness all at the same time. As by this point, we knew our case was not going to be reviewed within the next 3 months and therefore we knew we were going to have to go back home to Indiana, without our children. I will never regret going and bonding with our kids during this time. It was hell taking them back to the orphanage to leave them (we had returned a few times to keep the kids acclamated just in case this happened). I can't recall another situation in my life where my heart literally hurt like this and hope I never do again. The pond that was about 20 feet from where our children were in the open-air orphanage with stairs down to it was a constant nightmare for me over the next 6 months while we waited for the call to come back. When we left they were getting pretty mobile and I had horrible images of them being curious and crawling away and drowning. We left on an airplane with a few other families whose adoptions had been completed and they were going home WITH their children, not easy for us. The hug I received from Rachel, one of the moms flying home that I had come to know over the internet was truly one of the best and most sincere hugs I had ever felt, I will remember it always.

But after being there with them, there was no government in the world that could have kept us from our children. We would have moved to Cambodia if that is what it required, but fortunately it did not come to that. I definitely left my heart in Cambodia in April 2002...came home and proceeded to gain about 50 pounds...but was able to return to finally bring home Meesta and Doodle forever. They were indeed worth the fight and I adore them and who they are and who they are becoming. It is an honor to be their mom and as we mark their 8th birthday, I stand in awe of how far we have come as a family. It has been an honor and 97% joy with 3% challenges raising them over the last almost 7 years (or more like 80/s0...). I am grateful for the gift God has given us in these amazing little people. They are beautiful little people and we love love LOVE being their forever mom and dad. Happy 8th Birthday Babes!!!

Love, Mom

Remember That Time in Second Grade...

2009-03-10T11:45:00.002-04:00

Prepare yourself for the understatement of the century, PARENTING. IS. HARD.

Okay, so my last post told you all of our struggles with Doodle and math, yadda yadda. Well, I went back, reread it and still agree with most of it. Here's how the last few days have played out...

Doodle had her math test last Friday, and guess what, she got 100%!!!!! We worked so hard and she tried so hard and it paid off, awesome! We even went out to Thai to celebrate, but were v. disappointed to find out that our favorite local Thai restaurant had gone out of business, big bummer. Oops, I digress.... so, worked hard = success, although she was taken aside by the teacher and while Doodle did all of the work herself, I believe there were mild prompts by the teacher. Nice weekend is had by all.

Monday afternoon, pre-scheduled meeting with the teacher to determine how she is falling so behind in math. The long and the short of it all is that Doodle is a bit more, um, shall we say, astute, in playing us all than I would have EVER guessed. Without going into the gory details, the bottom line is that we had no idea what she was working on in math because she was LYING about what homework she had to do on her assignment sheet that we sign EVERY NIGHT and was saying she only had to do math facts. AND, as if that little fact was not enough, the homework that she was supposed to be doing every other night, she was THROWING IT AWAY..IN THE TRASH..IN HER CLASSROOM. You could have blown me away with a feather I was so surprised. This is why she was so lost in math and why we were so lost as to what was going on in her class for math.

When brought into the room with mom, dad and the teacher, the kid had to fess up. You could tell she was rather terrified, but she did not break down. We got into the details, at least to the greatest extent that we are likely going to get, as to why later. I made her apologize to the teacher for being dishonest and we are dealing with the rest at home. I asked her why and she said she just had too much homework. I think that translates into two things, the homework is hard and I don't want to do it and I just want to play.

Now, the other aspect of this is that I think our girl has a learning challenge, likely dyslexia, but that is not confirmed. The new Indiana law is that they must undergo a variety of interventions first and then, the school will test them. I informed the teacher last night that it was time for testing, we have played along, but she gets quite a bit of individual attention in this classroom and so her other grades are decent, but without that individual attention, I don't think they would be as good. She just learns differently and requires more 1X1 time. I told the teacher we would pay and have the testing done and get this....the school will NOT ACCEPT IT. I have a master's degree in clinical psychology, I used to be a neuropsychometrist...I know that a licensed psychologist - in coordination with a neuropsychometrist would conduct the appropriate, and perhaps even more detailed assessment of our child and that the school should be grateful that we are concerned, we care, are willing to pay, etc. I could go on and on!

Anyway, we are trying to get everything in place so we don't have to start from square one with her in a new school system this fall, as we are very likely moving in June...!

All of this to state, our Doodle is much more creative and daring than we have given her credit for in the past. The child strapped them on and did as she pleased. She figured out the teacher was not really seeing what she wrote down nor was she checking, nothing was being said by the teacher about her not turning in math homework, and so this was working out for her, sort of.

Our trust has indeed been shattered for a good while and she will have to regain that over time. But, I am hoping that we can laugh about this in the future and joke about that time in second grade when Doodle threw her homework away...

Life is still THIS GOOD,
CC

Computer Time and Family Happenings

2009-03-05T15:24:00.005-05:00

I wish I could be grounded from the computer. I calculated that yesterday, Wednesday, I was literally on the computer approximately 12 hours. That is just too much, and I don't think that more than 30 minutes were from fun. Ugghhh. It is no wonder that I struggle to get enough (okay, who am I kidding...ANY) exercise lately!

Work is very intense right now, lots of projects and lots of responsibility - but I am not complaining, I have a great job and I like it. Nuff said.

Eating has been wretched since everyone here was sick as could be. I have such a trend of doing well, getting on a roll and then when something happens to throw me off the path, it takes me far too long to get back on that roll. Lesson to self - every bite is an opportunity to do things the right and healthy way!

School is back, Quarter 6 has begun and it will be a busy one. One class involves nonprofit finance and budgeting - not my forte'.

Doodle is struggling mightily with school, specifically math. The reasons are numerous and I am very frustrated about it all. The thing is, I am falling even more madly in love of this kid and I am respecting her determination. We are working very closely together for HOURS every evening and she is just hanging in there and truly trying. I would have long before given up and cried out of frustration and while we have both been close to this once, she has so earned my admiration and respect for her efforts. It is so easy to forget the challenges she has faced in her little life because she is such a joy all of the time, but at times like this I have to remind myself to step back and see how far she has come in her almost 8 years of life (not that her math struggles make her less of a joy). She was born into an orphan life in a third world country, survived that with the most pleasant of personalities, and then had the next kick with having epilepsy. Seriously, she could use a break. But, D and I will not give up, she is a smart kiddo and has the biggest heart and best personality and is such a great little person. We will make it work, one way or another. I need to pray about this more...

OHHHH, how could I forget, this week D passed a HUGE hurdle within his path to becoming a Navy chaplain!!!!!! I am so incredibly proud of him and am glad that others are seeing just how attune to God's will he seems to be and how meant for this journey he truly is. What this means for us as a family is that we very likely will be moving somewhere (who knows where) within our state likely in June... Now, while this causes me some angst, it is still a very good thing!

I think that I am doing better at praying for God's will...and not my wants, but man is that a struggle. Does this mean that I am SLOWLY growing spiritually? I hope so as I have felt very stagnant while D has been in seminary.

Wishing all the best as the weather finally starts to warm up around here - so refreshing!
CC

Quarter 5 In The Bag

2009-02-21T08:53:00.003-05:00

I was a little unsure that I was going to be able to pull everything off since my last post. The last week and a half have truly been a struggle for me with waaayyy too much going on and then a sick hubbie and son. But, belaboring the negatives does no good, so suffice it to say, I am one more quarter closer to getting my post hole digger (aka, PhD)! There are lots of jokes about what about PhD means, one my faves is pretty huge debt - now that is the truth!

In the midst of completing my final two huge projects for my courses, both of which had stacked 30% of the grade on the final project...no pressure there or anything, I had to get the house in tip top shape because my empolyer was sending over a video crew yesterday afternoon to get some footage of me, interview me, and generally just seeing me interact with my family for the Jefferson Award because I am about to pass the torch to the new National winner at an upcoming luncheon. While so nice, seriously, in the midst of it all it just added to the stress of the timing; however, our house looks fantastic and I don't have to now spend my relaxing week cleaning it! I do however, have lots of plans for my week of down time. I am going to get all my paperwork caught up for Tabitha and get everything transitioned and shipped off to the new President who will be taking on all of the administration for the organization. That will relieve a TON of pressure for me, but I have been too busy to even get that accomplished. I am going to get our taxes all together and off to the accountant and hopefully do the same for Tabitha. I will be exercising and cooking - hopefully putting some yummy soups in the freezer for quick and easy healthy meals.

On a completely separate note, my good friend Carrie delivered her triplets yesterday, and yes, you read that right, triplets. This will be a challenging road for them, but she has a wonderful support system, fabulous husband and parents and amazing friends, such as yours truly, who plan to help as much as possible. All the babies are doing well and that is a true blessing. Also, any day now, my internet friend, Heather, who has a little Jingdezhen blessing like our Shenzy, is expected to get good news about her daughter awaiting her in China, Calliandra.

And while in no way attempting or even planning any sort of adoption, as I do earnestly believe we are through, I have happened upon THE NAME that I would pick for any future child to enter our life - NOT THAT THIS IS EVEN PLANNED, IT IS NOT, but we would name the child...Lawson. I love this name, boy or girl, it would not matter - who knows what the fake internet name would be...but the child would be named Lawson, isn't that so cool?!

For now all is good and I am going to ENJOY my weekend!
CC

If You Want Something Done and a Rant

2009-02-11T11:35:00.003-05:00

Have you heard the old saying, if you want something done, ask a busy person? It is true. Although I don't always grasp the concept and understand how and why it works, I know it does.

January was a relatively slow month for me here in CC world (aside from Geneva trip), one in which I wasted a ton of time, getting done what absolutely had to get done, but not advancing on any things that SHOULD get done. The only rationale is that I was not busy enough, pathetic, but true.

So, February is shaping up to kick me in the rear, with a pointed toe boot. My work work has picked up in a somewhat dramatic fashion, I am in the final 2 weeks of my 5th quarter in school - so all the final projects are due very soon and I need to get seriously focused on my research so I am not in school for 10 years, the kids activities continue to grow, I need to transition all the Tabitha stuff to our new President, and I am trying to focus on exercising MORE and eating better and less. AND, the real rub is that I need to do all of the above and try to be nice to everyone around me:).

HOWEVER, I shall get all of the above done, hopefully while retaining a somewhat pleasant personality, because I need to be uber busy to be productive, I guess that is just my style. But when I make my to do list every day, the list is not getting shorter...

On a complete aside, I am almost speechless by the situation of the octuplets. I watched the interview with Ann Curry (who I adore) last night and then there was more flap about it on the news this morning - added info - to add to the absurdity. The bottom line for me, if you have the capability to care for these children, then the more power to you; however, she does not. I might feel a bit differently if she were adopting these children out of foster care and had a deliberate plan in place - but even then, they would not LET her adopt those children even out of foster care because you have to show FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILITY for taking care of them. We have adopted, we know the invasive, irritating, and yet responsible checks that are done to an adoptive family. Why are they not required in a situation like this??

The ethical decisions made by her medical treatment team are questionable at best, and her decision to agree (and likely encourage) all of the embryos to be implanted demonstrates her lack of rationale thinking and basic common sense. And come on, those lips and her appearance are striking resemblances to Angelina Jolie...yet she denies any work...hmmm. Newsflash: AJ has millions and millions of dollars at her disposal to care for her children.

OK, off my soapbox for now, as mentioned above, way too much to do, not enough time.

I am thankful for my business, it means my kids are healthy and active, my job is thriving, my brain is being educated, my husband likes me company...most of the time, and my friends are the best:).

CC

Back to Basics

2009-02-02T11:50:00.002-05:00

With the new year, also comes the refocus on my eating habits. While I have still maintained the emphasis on trying to eat as much organic food as possible, I am still slipping in other areas, such as too many carbs and just too much in general and not enough green stuff. So, today, February 2, marks my renewed committment to a healthier lifestyle. I read some literature from Dr. Joel Fuhrman over the weekend that makes sense, both from a common perspective and from a scientific one. So, I shall make my goal to follow his words of advice as closely as possible. I really want to finally shed my adoption gain - hey, pregnancy is NOT the only way to gain weight, I can attest! I will move my body more and will pay close attention to what I put in my mouth.

On this same thread of thought, my dear husband found a Wii Fit and bought it for me. I had really wanted one. Cursed thing told me I was 54 fitness-wise! So, it will be an added tool for me to move my body more. I did 30 minutes worth of activities on it Saturday, alas nothing yesterday with church twice, my mom visiting, and homework due by midnight. However, I am motivated beyond, so here goes!

CC

Baby It's Cold Outside

2009-01-28T11:16:00.002-05:00

We have SNOOWWWW and lots of it! The schools are closed, I am not able to make it to the office and we are snuggled in for hot chocolate, teleconference calls (mine for work), cartoons, Mexican train dominoes, and some Wii! I was as excited as the kids were when I saw all the snow and learned of the school closure. And Harbour, the newfie extraordinaire, has had more fun than any dog should be allowed running and cavorting in the snow.

The fireplace is burning logs and I am working while listening to its crackling and feeling its warmth. Other than D not being home (he can walk to his work in our backyard, albeit through a foot of snow), there is not a thing in the world that I would complain about.

I am thankful for this warm home, my health, my family's health, our safety, my job and the ability I have to work remotely, and our ability to provide food and security to our family.

All is well:)
CC

Geneva and Back and Hope Springs Forth

2009-01-20T13:26:00.003-05:00

So, since I last wrote, I have finally made my way to Europe and back. I had a trip for work to Geneva to our affiliate and D went with me and it was a nice get away. My company has a very large multi-drug resistant TB project that I have volunteered to help out with regarding communications and that was the reason for my trip. The nongovernmental organization (NGO) link with private companies is such a powerful union and I think that this will likely be my future direction in some way or another, who knows? The lady who leads it agreed to be a mentor of sorts regarding my research, so that is a very beneficial aspect of the trip.

What was missing from the trip? For the first 3 days, our luggage. Continental did NOT get high marks at all. My colleague who also traveled for the same purpose with Continental also had lost luggage, but for him it was only a day. And the kids. I miss them terribly after about 3 days.

But, that was the trip, I have been to Geneva, it is a fun city with wayyyy to many people who smoke, but lovely rosti, wine, cheese, and lovely little sandwiches. I made some nice acquaintances and who knows what the future will hold.

As for today, Harbour got "fixed" yesterday, so I stayed home with her today as she was not supposed to be alone and then Miss Shenzy had a fever and a nasty cough, so I am home with both of them today. I am 2 days late in sending in an assignment for school, I have jet lag, but we just inaugurated Obama as president and I find myself so incredibly hopeful for our nation and our reputation around the world. I have watched the events unfold today and was inspired by his speech, and loved the benediction given.

I have hope for the future of my non-Caucasian children, I think today truly marks a new chapter in our country. I don't like Obama because of his skin color, but for what he stands for and the hope he has inspired in so many. However, his advancement makes it possible for those who come after him to have a little bit less of a struggle because of skin color. Thank you President Obama for following the path so many blazed before you and for taking it further than anyone else has been able to before, on behalf of my children, thank you! I will pray daily for your safety, for your wisdom and for the health and safety of your whole family.

AMEN!
CC

2009 Here We Go

2009-01-04T13:02:00.003-05:00

I find it hard to comprehend that 2008 has come and gone. It was a significant year for our family, primarily with D being gone for 9 weeks and our adventure of taking Doodle and Meesta back to their birth country. There were lots of positive financial moves forward and that will only continue to improve this year. School has been successful for all members of our family with Doodle taking a bit of adjusting to second grade, but eventually everything smoothing out before Christmas break. The only major negative was the lack of progress towards my weight loss and cholesterol reduction goals.

2009, what do I expect:
*Improved health through the following measures:

Weight loss of at least 25 pounds
Exercise a minimum of 2x/week (hopefully more)
Decreased LDL, triglyceride, and total cholesterol numbers to within normal limits

*Continued success with school:

At least one Knowledge Area Module (KAM) completed, hopefully 2
No grade less than a B achieved (still holding on to 4.0 for now...)
Almost all classes completed for PhD, just about 3 will remain hopefully and the dissertation
Attend at least 1 residency
CELEBRATE D graduating from seminary in May!!!!

*Successful move:

2009, mid-year, we will likely be moving, my goal is to make it as pain-free and stress-free for the kiddos, make it a fun and special event for them
take time off from work for the move as needed, the kids will need both D and I to be fully present as much as possible

*Job

Maintain it and look for opportunities to use my degree and interests to the fullest extent possible within my company (see upcoming trip to Geneva!!...post later in the week)

Well, those are my plans for 2009 in a nutshell. I pray mostly for health and happiness for us all, including my entire family and friends. And, this year I also pray that I will find more ways to be a good friend to others, to be an instrument of God, and to be a more present wife and mom.

Here's to 2009!

FB: A New Adventure

2008-12-28T19:08:00.003-05:00

Okay, so I am a bit slow to most technological things, as in I still don't own an IPOD, although my phone would serve as one if I ever downloaded anything. Let's face it, for me to be blogging is all about the ability to write and not about my being tech savvy.

So, a while ago I joined FaceB*ok, and well, it is a totally new adventure. I thought it was primarily for the younger crowd, but really there are so many people on there. It is like a high school, college, friends you have not heard from forever reunion all rolled into one. I see it as a way to get more connected in the day-to-day life of those you rarely get to see, catch up with some old friends, and just have that new link to others you care to know more about. So, am I alone, have any of my internet friends joined?? If so, let me know so I can look you up!

The CC clan is heading east for a few days and will be celebrating a 14th wedding anniversary as well as New Year's while we are gone. Wish us FUN, little behavior modification, and some rest and relaxation!

See you all soon!
CC

Merry Christmas!!!

2008-12-24T13:48:00.002-05:00

Christmas is here, it has snuck up on me yet again. I am struggling this year between trying to get everything done (including homework...11 hours on Sunday...don't even get me started) and taking time to make it fun and memorable with the kids. Yesterday I ran and did errands until noon, and then I came home and baked and let the kids create a total mess making and decorating sugar cookies. And I loved that they could do that, they had a ball and it really was not that bad of a mess. I used to have that tradition with my Grandma, but things are very strained between my Grandma and the rest of our family due to her choice and decisions...choosing to be a martar for the black sheep of the family, continuing to let him walk all over her, take all of her money, and yet stand up for him time and time again...after a while, it has just worn everyone thin, and I obviously digress. So, wishing it could be different but realizing it is what it is, I invited my mom over and we all did the holiday baking thing and it was a nice time. It hit me very clearly yesterday just how much D and I are in control of making traditions, etc. with our kids. Sometimes it is just hard to realize how much authority you have over their little lives.

Doodle was telling Shenzy the other day, now, on Christmas Eve, we get to open 1 present, and it is always pjs. I love how this has become a tradition that she knows and looks forward to. Most of all, I want them to feel loved and to remember the reason we celebrate Christmas at all. We even make Baby Jesus cupcakes each year for Santa Claus when he comes, we figured years ago that he had way too many cookies. So, that was part of our baking marathon yesterday, Baby Jesus Cupcakes, and we went with the chocolate-candy cane cupcake...pretty tasty!

Well, Merry Christmas and Blessings to all my internet friends. I wish you a stress-free holiday with memories being made with your loved ones.

Life is so very good,

Digital Photo Hell

2008-12-13T22:57:00.002-05:00

The concept of the digital camera is amazing, but in actuality they stress me out. We have several, because I will just get irritated and buy another one when the one we have stops working properly (see debt issue...). This summer, with D being gone, I wanted to have one and for him to have one, so another camera was added to the mix...and then I bought the cool Flip. The problem with all of these devices, is that you must upload the photos for them to do any good...and that is where I fail miserably.

So this evening, I have been trying to upload photos and have many more hours' worth to do before all is said and done. I am rushing because we always make calendars with Shutterfly for Christmas and well, time is ticking and their offer of free shipping expires at 11:59 Sunday evening, and that is my needed pressure. I also try to upload photos from my computer (hence the need to get them at least to that point) up to Shutterfly so that if my computer ever dies, they are at least 1 other place, and I know...I know, I should have them backed up and put in a safe as well. Overwhelming is my point.

On another aside, I am trying to shake the woes of corporate life, I have a job and the week ended on a good note and was very incredibly productive. Not everyone is going to like me 100% of the time and I need to get over that fantasy.

The Saturday morning schedule is filled with basketball and dance and today was no exception, but I love that the kids are active and engaged. Afterwards, D took the kids home and I had a fabulous time this afternoon at Half-Pric* Books, man I love going there, I could spend DAYS, literally, in any book store, but that one is such a treasure trove and you are never exactly sure what you will find, so much fun! Then, I came home to yummy homemade potato soup and then we watched a family movie (Elf) and had a marvelous evening.

All for now,
CC

BLAH

2008-12-11T21:51:00.002-05:00

That's how I feel right now, blah. The corporate world is not for everyone and this week it picked me up with its teeth, tossed me around a bit, chewed on me, then spit me back out. Dramatic? Perhaps. But how I feel? Yes.

I feel blah and am irritated that I am letting it have an impact on the rest of my life. I have so many blessings and things to be thankful for and I need to shake this week off and get moving, but am having a hard time doing so. I am so very ready for the Christmas break, not only to celebrate Christmas but to also slow my world down a little bit.

CC

The Road of Lost Innocence

2008-12-07T17:40:00.005-05:00

The Road of Lost Innocence, is the autobiographical tale of Somaly Mam, a Cambodian woman who has experienced situations and horrors beyond what most of our nightmares take us. She was an orphan whose "grandfather" came for her one day and after using her as a personal slave, he eventually sold her to a violent soldier as a bride and then when he disappeared, he sold her into the sex trade. She has overcome more than one can imagine and now runs the Somaly Mam Foundation whose goal is to get children/women out of the cycle of poverty and provide them not only with safety and security but also with life and job skills so that they are taken out of the circle and so are their children.

Cambodia is a country that has been in our hearts since we started the adoption process for Doodle and Meesta back in 2001. After our first trip there, we knew it would forever be in our hearts and while we donate to a few other organizations and buy things from time to time that are Cambodian, our devotion to the people of Cambodia is mostly exhibited through our work with Tabitha USA. I had heard of Somaly Mam though and once I became aware of her book, I ordered it and this past week I had a chance to sit down and read it, and it only took about 3 hours as I was totally absorbed.

This book is disturbing on so many levels, but in the end, it is a story of hope. Somaly's description of many Cambodian men and their complete and utter lack of concern for women was shocking and her description indicates that it is a pervasive attitude across the country and women are pretty much property and of little value. What is even more disturbing is that she describes women, mothers of precious little children, who knowingly have their daughters working in brothels to bring in money.

Let me share with you a very disturbing paragraph, not to shock you, but to give you a flavor of what happens, what evils some children face:

"From time to time I am engulfed by rage at what I see around me. Recently there was the case of one young girl called Kaseng. Her parents were out one evening, and she was wandering in eh streets when she was captured by a group of sic or seven drunken men in their fifties. She was eight years old. They took her to a house and raped her one by one. Since she was too narrow, they took a knife and cut her vagina. Someone brought her to us. I took the child to the hospital to get her sewn up and then to the police to make a report. She began to recover. Her mother, who was very poor, said that ever since the child had been born she had brought nothing but bad luck, and she refused to take her back."

This story goes on to say that at the trial of these men, they claimed that this 8-year-old child had dressed provocatively and they were set free!! It goes on,

"We have laws in Cambodia, but everyone ignores them. The law of money prevails. With money you can buy a judge, a policeman - whatever you want. There are moments when I want to throw in the towel and stop doing all this. It feels too big for me to fight - the pimps, the corruption, the judges who aren't even for sale because they were bought long ago."

The issues with Cambodian adoptions are many and the fact that they remain closed and that Laurel and Lily will likely never be our daughters and that they very well may be used in a perverse manner is something that I must always block from my head. The psyche of this country was forever altered by the Khmer Rouge and the contrast between the expectations and laws of the US and Cambodia is extreme. How can the gap ever be bridged to allow for children who need safe and loving homes to find them in the US or other countries? This book has given me so much to ponder and I would love to sit down and talk with Somaly, first to share my admiration for her courage, both in surviving and thriving, but in putting her experiences to print so that we all might learn and understand. I would love to know just how pervasive the attitudes are across the country. What are her thoughts on "selling" children for adoption as opposed to "selling" them for sexual slavery?

These are all such contentious topics, but ones that I must ponder. I believe that we are all put on earth to share our gifts and talents, to show compassion and to make the lives of all those we can better because we cared. How much of a role does poverty play in the general mentality of children as property? I truly think that getting people out of the cycle of poverty is KEY to solving so many problems globally. Will is solve everything? Will it make everyone nice? Will is stop the power hungry souls from evil? No. Sadly no. However, I do think that it is a start and so many lives can be changed for the better because of it.

I became a monthly donor to the Somaly Mam Foundation, you don't have to sign up for much, but doing so will help Somaly in her amazing efforts, which have risked her life and that of her family on multiple occasions. I honor her efforts through my donations and know that the children of Cambodia who land in her care will make it. If I can play a role, regardless of how small, into helping her to do that, then it is my privelege to do so.

May God pour blessings out on Somaly and all those children who are experiencing horrors beyond our imagination. It is my prayer that those who are rescued can put it behind them to the best of their abilities and move on to live a life of relative peace.

I hugged my children extra tight when I finished reading the book that day and can't help but look in Doodle's eyes and PRAISE GOD that she is our daughter and safe with us. Her biggest challenge is getting yelled at for not listening and maybe not getting dessert if she doesn't eat any vegetables...but every single night she is put to bed with love, with prayers and her list of things she is thankful for that day, with a kiss, a slathering of vaseline for dry lips, and a "sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite", and a wish that she have sweet dreams.

Being aware of the atrocities that exist in the world is the only way that we can help eradicate them. This book changed me, educated me, terrified me, sickened me, and inspired me.

Humbly,

Nut Pie and Other Thanksgiving Bits

2008-12-01T15:02:00.002-05:00

For the actual Thanksgiving Day, we hosted both of our mothers as well as a friend of ours from our previous city who is a dear friend. It was a relatively relaxed day although I did most of the cooking for the event. We had already eaten Turkey the previous Saturday and so D and I decided to take the meal a different route and harm a cow instead of a turkey, and we made beef and noodles. They. Were. Spectacular! D had made the noodles from scratch and I cooked the beef in the crockpot overnight and when the two were joined in magnificent unity, the result was beyond yummy. Can you tell I liked them?

Besides the beef and noodles, we had corn casserole, deviled eggs (where did they get this name?), mashed potatoes, and 3 desserts...yes, 3. My mom brought all three, 2 had been purchased through a school drive for her nephew (my cousin - he is only 2 years older than my Doodle and Meesta, we are an unusual brood I know), and 1 she bought at the store. Odd sidenote, my mother owns more cookbooks than anyone I have ever met, and yet she rarely ever cooks....ponder that one. The two from my cousin were rather scrumptious indeed, they were from Eli's Cheesecakes, and the tiramisu one was divine. The pie my mom bought at the store was a pecan pie, but when Doodle saw it, she immediately said, "Grannis brought a nut pie!". I don't know why it cracked (get it, nut) me up so much, but it did. I love the perspective my kids bring to daily life.

We were pretty much slugs over the Thanksgiving Break and besides church and the grocery store Sunday, the only time I went out was to join some friends to go see Bolt. It was rather entertaining and I laughed out loud a few times, worth the astronomical price for the movie AND the popcorn. We then went with said friends over to Chick-Fil-A and had a nice time chatting with other adults and another couple they knew who joined us and our collective 6 children! Odd that 1/2 of those 6 children were ours!

I read most of one book and completely read the other, which I will write more about in another post as it deserves its own. The books upcoming for review are The Road of Lost Innocence by Somaly Mam and Banker to the Poor by Muhammad Yunus. Very interesting and worth a post in their own right...

D gave an excellent sermon last night, the man is brilliant but would never admit it. He spoke about how we should always be doing the work and being the people that God has called us to be every day, all day. His sermons are very effective, at least for me, because they hit home without being overbearing. You are wondering where he is going with a thought and then he brings it all together in such a way that you are fully mentally engaged and so the message really is embedded. I know I am biased, but he is the best sermon giver I have ever heard, seriously.

Okay, all for now!

CC

About Friends

2008-11-26T10:09:00.002-05:00

As an only child with a mom who worked all the time, my growing up years were spent largely playing with friends. I had one close friend growing up who was like a sister to me, she has 3 siblings and we still remain somewhat close. We went to the same undergrad and our friendship pretty much fell apart for a while after living with each other for 3 years, she transferred to another school for our senior year. That was very hard on me as I loved/love her so much. Time has mostly healed that wound though.

As I have gotten older and matured (I sound 100 as I reflect here, I know), it seems that I have made friends, select and few that they may be, through the major experiences of my life. I have a couple from undergrad, a couple from grad school, some from work, some from the adoption world (although most are crazy...inside joke J!), and even some from the internet! I have come to rely on these friends, mostly women, to fulfill that role of a sister for me. Yet, given that they are not family family, the holidays and such typically don't leave me spending that extra quality time with them.

I have two friends in particular who have been in my prayers lately as they are going through some challenging personal times. I wish that I could fix their aches and solve their problems, but I cannot, but I do hope that they know that I am praying for them daily and hope that things turn more rosy sooner rather than later.

So this is my sappy post for Thanksgiving, my thanks to those who have filled the sister role for me. I love all of them for very different reasons, I rejoice in our shared joys and sufferings, and I long for success, happiness, and health for all of you.

Much Love,
CC

Harbour Grace

2008-11-06T11:26:00.003-05:00

I can't believe I haven't chatted yet about Miss Harbour Grace. She is our new puppy, yes, we have lost our minds, but she is a really sweet and good dog. She is a Newfoundland and will get to be approximately the size of our house, but her disposition and beauty will make up for her size, Newfie drool, and shedding in the spring - at least I hope so.

We named her after a location in Newfoundland, Canada, no other explanation, except that I don't like traditional names very much. She tends to potty in her crate while we are gone, but I am hoping that as she ages that will get much better... She goes the entire night in her crate in our bedroom sleeping soundly with no issues, so we know she can hold it, I think it is just an anxiety thing with her...and hey, we are a cool clan so I would miss us too.

And now the election, wow, am I ever stoked....and Indiana....WE WERE BLUE ON THE MAP!!! Every single other member of my family voted Republican so I attempted not to gloat toooo much when I texted several of them yesterday! President-elect Obama has a very tough road ahead of him as does his family. I sincerely hope that the activism and enthusiasm that captivated the nation during this time will not wane, but will continue and that civic pride and involvement will increase. As for me, and D, we will pray for he and his family daily, for wisdom, for discernment of the truth, for the ability to make the US the beacon of hope again globally, and especially for his safety and that of his family. I can't help but see a tiny morsel of my own story intertwined with his and has helped hook me enthusiastically to his candidacy. He and I both grew up raised by single moms, lots of grandparents help, and despite a complete lack of money, we managed to find ways to become educated. The huge discrepancies begin to appear around intellect and public speaking...he is light years ahead there!

So, welcome Harbour Grace to our family and welcome President-Elect Obama!!!

CC

Redistribution of Candy...A Tiny Bit Political

2008-11-02T13:33:00.002-05:00

One thing I love about my friends is that they are a varied lot, many don't know each other, and each one brings something enriching to my life in one way or another. One of our couple friends who are truly near and dear to our hearts, you will not find better people if you searched long and hard. They are the second-in-line couple to receive our cherubs should something happen to both D and I and our first guardians select could not or were not able to take care of the cherubs. This couple have raised 2 fantastic boys of their own and he sits on the school board, is a volunteer firefighter and she has taught elementary school for many years, and they are both fabulous Christians - and we enjoy spending time with them. The he of the couple is VERY REPUBLICAN, I bet he only has undies with elephants on them in fact. He knows that I am voting for Obama and he just has a hard time believing it, so he devised a little joke...

On Halloween we went back to our previous town where we have lots of friends and it is just a small town where the worries are far fewer. So we made our home base at one house and then our friend K, the female of the couple above, joined us to walk around with the kids since hers are getting too old to trick-or-treat. Well, before we left to trick-or-treat, she called my kiddos close to her and said that Uncle B (her husband) had told her that according to Obama, when the kids got home from trick-or-treating, that they had to take all the candy they had walked around and earned and would have to give some of it away to other kids who did not want to go trick-or-treating, so that it would be "redistributed" evenly. My kids took her so seriously while the rest of us were just laughing because we knew B had stooped so low to try to convert me, even through my poor children. We all had a good laugh and told the kids that she was just joking.

But, here is the thing, my kids WANT to give some of their candy away. How awesome is that?! There is a local dentist who is collecting the candy tomorrow and he will be paying kids $1 for every pound of candy they bring him and he will then be sending the money on to the troops. I explained this to the kids and they were ecstatic about this thought. Doodle even proceeded to make 15 drawing/coloring papers to go along with the candy. I have already explained to the kids that we should not be paid to help others, especially since what we are giving had been given to us freely and without reservation, and that we will ask the dentist to keep the money to help pay for the shipping to Iraq. So, we will be redistributing...why? Because our kids want to given that they had soo much candy that there was no way they could ever eat, it was only right that it be sent to those who might need it more. Not such a bad idea huh?

It was all a good laugh and my poor kids will definitely be raised conservative Republican should these wonderful friends ever have that much influence on their lives, but there are worse things to happen to them...my D is voting Republican, so we respect each others' wrongness and we move on:)

Just a funny little diddy...I will try to get some pics posted soon.

Oh yes, one funny...Doodle was dressed as Cleopatra, apparently it was a hot outfit from T@arget this year because we saw 3 others Halloween evening while we were out and about. Well, it just so happens that Doodle has the jet-black adorable hair very similar to Cleopatra. As we passed one of the other Cleopatras, with blonde hair, I heard her whine to her mom..."Why didn't mine come with a wig! We all had a good laugh over that one. It was such a beautiful night and the weather could not have been more perfect for a mom, a Cleopatra, a Darth Vader, and an adorable monkey to take on the town (D stayed back and passed out candy at the friend's house as he is not as much into the evening).

CC

The Taxi Posse

2008-10-29T10:28:00.002-04:00

I try to vary my route to work to alleviate the boredom and to challenge my brain to not go into "duhhhh" mode. Some days my route takes me on a little sideroad by the airport and I have come to rather enjoy this one the most. There is an element of danger driving amongst the planes (sounds more dramatic than it is...), but I most like the taxi "posse" as I have come to think of them. There is an area where the taxis sit and I assume wait to be summoned for a passenger, but it is the coolest little society that I could see a unique documentary being created about.

There are about 40 or more taxis (I am a horrible estimator) that sit parked in very neat and orderly rows, along with a little break house of sorts that I assume houses a restroom, but what is coolest and most fascinating of all to me, is the atmosphere I observe. These gents, not being sexist but I have never spied a lady, get out, stretch, take brisk walks with their friends, chat, and generally demonstrate a camaraderie that is inviting. They appear to be of various ethnic descents and I would love to hear their thoughts on the culture of the US, their thoughts on the politics of now both here and in their homeland, and they discussions about the various passengers they carry to and fro on a daily basis. It is a unique little clique that has me fascinated.

So, my path varies frequently to this route, just because their existence makes me smile and makes me think.

CC

Clean Eating

2008-10-04T21:43:00.005-04:00

I have been 2 weeks now on a new way of life that I am just calling Eating Clean. I wanted to share before now, but I have a bad tendency to be really gung ho, and then slack off, so I wanted some time under my belt...and now I feel comfortable sharing.

For the past who knows how long now I have been having a stronger and stronger urge to "nest" or just to be at home with my kids, cooking, spending quality time, just being there...not at work, not eating out all the time, just trying to calm the tenor of my life a bit. Well, I have begun to put those needs into reality slowly...can't get everything RIGHT NOW like I want can I? (or can I...nope).

As for the food, well, you know I have the glaring and rather serious cholesterol issue that medication is helping, but only at the strongest dose...and I still need to lose about 30 pounds...yes, still. And, I must tell you, my journey has been helped a great deal by several blogs that I read, namely Big Mama who does her absolute best to live off the land and to eat locally grown food and healthy food as much as possible, no processed junk for her and her large and boisterous brood. I started reading Big Mama because of the adoption link, but am now a dedicated reader because of her morals in life. And then there is her daughter, Sarah, who has been posting the best recipes and is also focused on eating locally grown food and not the processed junk. And then, you know how the stinkin' internet is, before you know it you have linked from this blog to that and then to that website and there is 100 Cookbooks, and a whole host of others. So, over 2 weeks ago now, I decided to go as cold turkey as possible and to cut out the fake and processed food that was so invading our diet.

So, what does this mean? Well, for one, I am cooking a LOT more and making some very delicious veggie recipes. I will start posting them soon and will get them on here as frequently as possible. I have purchased several cookbooks by Tosca Reno and they are great, even though her blog is mostly about her body building activities which do not really interest me. I also don't like the way it is called a "diet" because this truly has to be a way of life. It just feels right to eat like this. D and the Cherubs are being great sports and are fully on board (I even made chocolate chip cookies with chickpeas in them and they were fantastic)! Now, I will admit that I have spent more money on groceries the last few weeks, I have spent far LESS than normal on dining out. I have also signed up and received 2 weeks so far of local homegrown food delivery from Farm Fresh Delivery and that has been such fun to come home on Friday and see what goodies they have brought, seriously I need a Martha/Betty check as I am so domestic these days it is crazy...especially if you know me!

Okay, enough of all that for now. I am plugging away in school, actually have a B in one of my classes and am not at all pleased about it. I have been trying not to either pay too much attention to or ignore the incredibly frightening financial situation of our country...as of a week or so ago, my 401K was down 17% for the year....bet after this week it is even more. I watched the VP debate with much anticipation and am such a nerd because I was so excited about it. I know my friend Chris is too...although we are not on the same team... I am glad that Palin did not get up there and stammer and have no answers as she was seen on t.v. as doing, but it was very obvious that she was coached in certain areas and those were the areas she was going to talk about, question be damned. She was a little too "golly, shucks, Joe" for my taste, I see that she is trying to be the "average" American but this average American wants a bit more of an intellectual stance out of my VP I guess. I am still glad they picked someone outside of the Beltway and let her into the secret sect, but they still will not be getting my vote.

Cherubs are great, lovely in fact, and I have been going through some of our pics from this summer and thought I should post one here...

Chat more soon - with recipes I promise!

Life is certainly This Good...

7 Deadly Zins

2008-09-18T21:56:00.004-04:00

Dearest All,

I don't consider myself an expert on many things, therefore I don't recommend products here, just to those in my personal life who should ask or happen upon me during an enthusiastic review about something I have fallen in love with....I am a passionate gal, what can I say...

However, I am going out on a limb and highly recommending that you all run to a store and purchase the following joy juice...it is called Seven Deadly Zins, and no, I am in no way getting paid for this...and yes, I do realize it is a highly cheesy name. Trust me, find this, taste it, you will forever be hooked. This is a blend of zinfadels from Lodi California, simply divine!

My hubbie and I are not really big drinkers, but we have always enjoyed a fine bottle of pinot noir together on a nice evening at home, and even had our nice little jaunt (on the now-defunct Skybus) to San Francisco and the vineyards last July. We discovered this little ditty a couple of weeks ago and now it is a must-have if we are ever both home for an evening, gone, at least for now, is the pinot noir variety. Poor D, he is missing it because he is working as a chaplain intern at a local hospital this evening (all semester actually), and I am enjoying it. myself :)!!

Updates on the daily life:

Meesta is doing great in school and has turned into quite the little soccer stud all of a sudden, and he is by far the smallest one. He is such a solid and steady little man, he is a great joke teller, want to hear one, okay: Knock, Knock....Who's There?....Interrupting Cow....Interruping Co....MOOOO!!! (seriously, first time he did it I died laughing, very likely funnier in person, trust me on this one)

Shenzy is determined to learn how to spell and read because she hates to be left behind and since the twins can, she thinks she must. I am trying to be patient and encourage this, but I am so incredibly sick of homework that doing flashcards with her after Doodle and Meesta's homework and before mine makes me nauseous...but I am doing it! She is also begging to get her hair cut, and quite honestly, I am all for it. Her hair grows very quickly and so she could always grow it back out...and she is only 4 for heaven's sake!

Doodle continues to have some challenges, but still the sweetest disposition and heart. We are in the beginning stages of having her tested for dyslexia as we think that just might be the challenge she is experiencing. She meets a lot of the criteria we have reviewed, but we are going to proceed with formal testing in case we need to get an IEP for her. The little lady is so darned smart, yet her schoolwork is much more of a challenge than it should be, so we are just trying to make sure we are on top of it all.

D is having a very challenging semester, lots of responsibilities, but he handles it all with a grace that is inspiring. His sermons are so good, they speak to me and many who hear them. I love it when others tell him how his sermons speak to them, he is my kind of preacher. He takes the bible, explains a bit about the context of it, and then takes the scripture and tries to apply it to our life today. I love them. It is fascinating how he becomes my teacher during that time, we are so much partners in every other area of our life that it is odd to have him as such an admired teacher for me.

I continue to be the crazy whirlwind that I must enjoy being. I will have some food/health posts upcoming as I continue to keep turning my leaf over, hoping it will stick! I had a scare because my student loan information did not apply to a year, rather to 3 quarters, so until that is all ironed out, I have a "hold" on my account at Walden, but fortunately it is just a technicality and I can still continue with my classes. I need to learn to LET PERFECTION GO! I get so ticked off when I miss any points, and trust me internet friends, I was NOT this way in undergrad college. I had a decent GPA in undergrad, became more perfectionistic in my master's program, but now I am just crazy. I should expect little instead of the other way around, because I always fly by the seat of my pants, rarely read all of the required material let alone the supplemental material..., and yet expect near perfection. I am CC at This Good and I realize I have an expectation problem!

Okay, that is the update for now.

Locks/Lots of Love

2008-09-11T21:34:00.005-04:00

My Doodle donated her hair, approximately 10 inches of it, to Locks of Love. We had been talking about her doing it forever, but it was finally her decision that it was time. I thought I would miss her gorgeous long locks, but in all honesty, this little chickie has a new lease on life with this short, sassy do! She has gotten about a million and one compliments and she is more outgoing, weird I know, but I think she was somewhat hiding behind all of the hair. So, here she is in all of her adorableness, not that I am biased or anything.

Meesta lost his second tooth tonight, by having some dental floss tied to it and then having the door it was also tied to slam shut. Not my idea and I was not anywhere near when it happened, but the thing had. to. come. out. The adult tooth was almost completely up behind it...will share a picture when I get them downloaded. No tears, just surprise and Dr. Doodle fixing up Meesta like a fantastic doctor/nurse that I could see her becoming.

Shenzy has been great lately and even spent a few hours with me at work today. Our nanny's daughter had some complications from a tonsillectomy and K stayed with her daughter today as that was where she needed to be. D took care of Shenzy in the morning, then she came and had lunch with me at work, then actually came to a meeting with me and drew and was quiet and good for 1 1/2 hours!!! Heck, I was bored!!! But, she did a great job. We then left, went and got Meesta and Doodle from school, went and bought another betta fish (another one went the way of all drains lead to the ocean...).

Here is a cute picture of Shenzy, just because...

And one of Meesta because I don't want to deprive his cuteness from the internet. This picture was taken while we were riding on a tuk tuk in Cambodia and he is sitting next to our friend who was on the build with us. This was the tuk tuk that had the dog who rode along, seriously, a great marketing tool!

Okay, that's all for now, homework awaits!!! Could someone again explain to me WHY I am in school again?

Life is this good (and this crazy)!

17,646 Miles

2008-08-29T13:02:00.002-04:00

Our trip to Cambodia had us flying approximately 17,646 miles. That is a lot for anyone, but for two 7-year-olds, it is kind of extreme! The picture above is of us at the Tabitha build site, dripping with sweat, but having a great time.

The trip had lots of interesting twists and turns, as every adventure in life must to be memorable, and this one was no different. Our adventure began in Cambodia with Doodle having a grand mal seizure as the plane was landing, followed by profuse vomiting...now how is that for a grand entrance?! She recovered fairly well though and we all went on to have a nice time, although Doodle is a very western girl now. Meesta had a better time and was a bit more adventurous I must say, with food and exploring the city and all of that. However, both are troopers beyond my wildest imagination and I am so proud to be their mom.

They worked as hard as any adult during the actual housebuilding experience, never complaining, never stopping work, they were involved the whole time and did such an amazing job! It was the most challenging build I had done, mostly because the floors we installed were bamboo and they were a bit difficult to hammer down...but also because I took on the primary responsibility for making sure the kids were safe and okay (lots of nails flying...8 feet off the ground with no walls...you know). I am glad we did it. I am even more glad it is complete and we are safely home and readjusted.

Since we have been home, we have had numerous doctor appointments for the Doodle, echocardiogram, EKG, 24-hour video EEG, and on and on...and fortunately the verdict for all = she is wonderfully healthy, she just has epilepsy. We can live with that and fortunately, so can she.

I had to wrestle with a 12-page paper that was due the week after we returned for my PhD program....I am seriously wondering what in the world I was thinking. But, somehow, I got it done and even got a great score, so all is well. I am enjoying my pitiful one week off between quarters and preparing to head back to the books next week. Once that quarter is finished, I will have an entire year under my belt and I will admit it has gone rather quickly...I pray I can hang in there without needing to take a break at some point.

Now, Miss Shenzy has escaped attention thus far, and that is not intentional. Today is her birthday and she is now 4. It is hard to believe my little baby is such a big girl these days. She was as good as she can be while we were gone and we all struggled a bit with our reintegration b/c she was bent on making us feel her pain for our absence. She has calmed down a lot though and I am once again able to enjoy her silly self:)

Well, that is all for now! Sorry for the extreme delay, but 17,646 miles will do that do a girl!

CC

The Most Out of Life

2008-07-27T23:15:00.002-04:00

I truly feel like I am trying to squeeze ever ounce of juice out of life because my days are full and my list of things to do never seems to end. But, the good still outweighs the bad, so I am just whining, not complaining.

Let's see, what has happened in the last month! We went and visited D and I survived the flights with 3 little ones by myself. Barely. Actually, the kids were great, except Doodle, who did not enjoy the flights, but honestly, neither did I! They were fast landing, sharp turning, icky flights. I honestly think the airlines are flying differently b/c of the fuel issue.

Then, drum roll...........D came home!!! I did it, I made it without him for 9 weeks! It was a rough last 2 weeks after we saw him and then waiting for him to come home, but we did survive. I know I can do it now, and while I won't ever like it, I know I can do it.

The last week has been even more of a blur because we are heading to Cambodia tomorrow and trying to get ready has been hectic. Doodle and Meesta are returning to their birth country with us tomorrow for the first time ever; sadly, Miss Shenzy is not going and is staying here with our beloved Nanny and her family. I am really sad to leave her, but it is honestly the right thing for everyone. She is too young still and it would be much more difficult to take her. So, prayers are appreciated for the family given that we are not going to be together.

Also, Doodle had an MRI last week to make sure that there is nothing more than epilepsy going on with her noggin. She was quite the trooper because they did it with and without contrast so she had to get an injection. The kid is amazing and the best news of all, she has a perfect little brain. Huge relief. When we return, we will be doing a 24-hour EEG and then going to a cardiologist because her new pediatrician diagnosed a heart murmur on the first visit! Good grief. My last month has been spent going to the doctor more times than I can count, mostly for Doodle and Meesta (series of bug bites and swollen eyes). I am exhausted!

Work has somehow been fit into the above equation fortunately! School is still puttering on. I did have to drop a class, but the one I have remaining has been fine. It is an ethics course and some of the discussions have been interesting.

Okay, that is all for now, I will try to write from Cambodia when I get the chance. Please do keep our entire family in your prayers as things in Cambodia are rather tense right now due to elections (happened Sunday in Cambodia) as well as a rather serious stand off with Thailand right now over a temple along their borders. Military poised on either side...pray for peace and rationality for all. We have never been nervous going over before, but this time we are.

See you from 1/2 way round the world!

CC

Catching Up, Yet Again

2008-06-29T18:30:00.003-04:00

Well, the last 20 days have been a whirlwind, so for the sake of this being somewhat my journal, I am going to try to recap.

We had our friends from Cambodia over and that was nice to catch up and see the kids hang out with each other. We were 2 moms with 6 kids, and only 1 of them was Caucasian, needless to say we were a spectacle everywhere we went. The kids got along fabulously though and a good time was had by all. We also went and say Kung Fu Panda and the kids loved it and I didn't mind it much either, very enjoyable.

I then took off for the Jefferson Awards in D.C. and they definitely know how to do an event up right. I had a really nice time and so did K, my nanny and friend who went with me. I fell in love with this older gentleman, and I will post his picture as soon as I get it downloaded, he inspired me and I just enveloped him in my heart the minute I heard him speak, it was just something about him. He also said a beautiful prayer that I will get posted here for you all to view, it was magnificent!

I came home on Wednesday, hung out with the kids and then got all 4 of us repacked to take off again on Thursday morning. K took the kids and I drove to the airport to go to D's Navy Officer's Graduation. My flight ended up being delayed so by the time I got there, I was precariously close to missing the Thursday evening shindig, so I did not stop to find my hotel, just drove to Newport and then saw a Curves workout facility and schlepped my dress clothes and make-up in there and kindly begged them to let me use a changing room. They kindly did and I got a bit gussied up and headed over to the Navy base to see D for the first time in 5 weeks! Well, I must tell you all that the word handsome is just not enough for how my husband looks in uniform. Ultra Fine. Wow. I was so proud to be with him all weekend (not that I am ont always anyway), but it was a unique glimpse into our future and it was such a fabulous time. His graduation was full of pomp and circumstance...with the exception that the music was not played live, rather was piped through speakers as a recording...which I thought was a bit of a cheap copout, but still very nice. We relaxed and explored Newport and it is a quaint little town with lots of tourists and lots of mansions! It was a wonderful weekend.

I was scheduled to fly out on Sunday evening, so I tore myself away from D and drove the rental car back to the airport, tried to sign in for my flights and the first one was DELAYED...well, the litany of what happened between that moment and 11:00 a.m. on Monday when I finally arrived home is beyond frustrating. I spent 6 hours on a flight that should have been 2. I was feeling so bad from stress, turbulence, and worry that I cannot believe I managed to keep all my internal cookies from tossing...not pretty, but true. I finally got out of the first airplane at around 1:00 a.m. and then had to stand in a line with a ton of other people to reschedule our flights for the next day, and I was fortunate to get one at 8:00 a.m. the next day. So, without food and/or beverage, THANK GOD LITERALLY that a Starbucks was the sole thing open in the Charlotte airport at 2:00 a.m. and that I got a bottle of water and a crossaint and then took my self to a well-lit floor area with some ladies who sat up and talked on their cell phones all night, which I did not care about, I felt secure. It was a very long night. I finally made it home, Meesta had been whisked off to scout camp by a helpful other mom and K had the ladies. I was exhausted but glad to be home.

The rest of last week was a bit of a blur with work and the kids activities, but the week days go by so much faster, so I prefer them. We now have 4 more sleeps until I make that same trip with the kids to go and see D. They are beyond excited to see him, it will have been almost 7 weeks since they have last seen him. Oddly enough, I am doing worse this weekend even though I saw him last weekend. A bit depressed and ready for this time apart to be over with. And yes, I do realize that there are other times during his military career when he will likely be gone longer, and I won't like it then either. My hope is that if he indeed makes it a career, that the pros will far outweigh the cons. We shall see.

Okay, well that is all for now. I hope to not be gone for so long next time.

CC

Lying...and Wait/Weight

2008-06-09T20:23:00.006-04:00

So much to tell, so little time.

This picture above was from our "Cambodia" photo shoot in a park. We had a lot of fun and the kids got to play on the playground equipment too. This or a similar shot will be used in some marketing stuff for my company, in association with the Jefferson Award.

Well, the big issue around our abode lately has been one of my children's new habit, lying. While I won't go into details (because my brain is tired of thinking about the topic), it has been exhausting and I have had to shake the mother failure blues. I mean, this is lying over unimportant things, but it scares me that it will lead to lying about important things. Anyway, it has been rather challenging, almost one of the most trying experiences so far as a mom. I know that having D gone is likely part of it, but I am not letting this cherub off that easily as an excuse. They all know right from wrong and I must stay consistent with my behavior corrections, always making sure that they know the rules and boundaries. Exhausting though! However, redeeming them all, we were eating at Bob Evans the other day and after our meal, this older gentleman came up to me and told me he had been watching our family during the meal and that he had not seen such a happy and well-behaved group of kids in a long time. He wanted to congratulate me and my husband (who he also asked about...probably being a bit nosy, but oh well) on raising such great kids. It was a nice salve to my ego since it had been a rough one with the lying...(and yes, apparently I do need external validation...:)

On to D, he has now been gone for over 3 weeks. I miss him so much, in ALLLL areas. We are over 1/3rd of the way done. I am flying out to see him next week for the Navy Officer graduation (and apparently there is some kind of ball also). That will be pure bliss to spend some quality time with him. Before flying there though, I will be attending the Jefferson Awards Ceremony in Washington, D.C. and am really stoked and honored by being chosen as a National recipient. My nanny, who also works for Tabitha and has been an amazing donor over the years, is going with me....leaving my 3 cherubs in the capable and daring hands of her 2 high school girls and her husband. Now, my kids are truly like part of their family so I am not worried and it is only for 2 nights, but if you could send positive thoughts and some prayers their way, that would be great!

And weight, I keep gaining and losing the same 5 pounds. It is insane and ridiculous. I don't know where to find more time, other than to never sleep, which would then make everything else even worse, I don't know when to work out consistently - which is what I need. I am going to keep fighting the good fight though and will not give up. When D returns and our travels are done for the summer (also going to Cambodia for 2 weeks), I am going to set aside time for me at least 3 days a week when I can go to the gym.

Okay, I think that is the big update for now. I am hanging in there, but MISS MISS MISS my D!

Life is this good though,

500 Festivities and Long Weekend

2008-05-28T16:47:00.007-04:00

Well, this weekend I had my crack at princessness and I must admit, I had a lot of fun. Riding on the float was a complete hoot and I stood up there and smiled and waved, it was crazy but fun! The kids were the most fun part because they were in some stands near the end of the parade with their nanny and they were yelling and screaming and jumping up and down yelling "Hi Mommy!" - seriously, made my day.

The rest of the weekend was fine, but long. Normally, I would like that, but this weekend, without D, was just long. I much prefer the weeks because the time goes by a bit faster. I have about 3 weeks until I see him and I can't wait!

I am going to try to attach a video or 2 of my experience on the float, let's see how it goes...playing with my new Flip here. The first is of me spotting the kids, it is quite wiggly as I was laughing at them and the float was moving, so beware. The second one is of one of the really good bands that played, at least some of their music.

CC

Cute and Sad

2008-05-23T10:22:00.006-04:00

Well, because those who read this know me, at least for the most part, or could easily figure out who I am, I thought I would put some faces to the stories here.

This is a picture of the kids and I at the airport last summer on one of our now-bankrupt cheap flights with Skybus... while it is literally impossible to capture a good picture of everyone, this is a start at least that you can see all of our faces (minus D who was snapping the photo).

We will be flying this summer a couple of times, the first to RI where D is doing his training, I will go out by myself once and then the kids and I will all go together over the 4th of July weekend. I can't wait! Then Doodle, Meesta, D and I will leave for Cambodia and poor Shenzy will have to stay behind, which makes me sad, but she would not enjoy it and it would make the rest of us fairly miserable, plus the almost $2K ticket price...well, that sealed the deal that she would stay back. I WILL buy her lots of fabulous gifts though...

The sad of my note is that Steven Curtis Chapman, who has been a wonderful supporter of adoption, both domestic and international, has had terrible loss. His youngest daughter Maria, who they adopted from China, was killed in an accident in their own driveway. It is truly tragic and makes me so sad for them. If you would like to read more, here is the site that shows some cute YouTube memories. It is actually the one thing that propelled me to go ahead and post some pictures. Life is short, make and share memories when you can. In fact, one memory I have is of December 2005 when a good friend of mine, Wendy, who works for Steven's Foundation, called and asked if Doodle and Meesta (Shenzy was too little), would be willing to sing in Steven's Christmas Concert Tour in Indy. We of course jumped at the chance, and they joined several other children who were adopted from foster care on stage at Conseco Fieldhouse to sing a beautiful song with Steven. It was a memory I will cherish forever and I sat there bawling like a baby at the beauty of it all and of the fullness of my life. I will post a picture of it when I find one.

And, in honor of Maria, here is a picture of our China-born daughter, Shenzy, who brings such joy and delight I cannot imagine my life without her.

Elbow, Elbow, Wrist, Wrist

2008-05-21T23:07:00.003-04:00

Well, this has been quite the week in our household, with D leaving, my great uncle's passing, school winding down for the kids, and for me as well for the quarter. D has not called since Monday evening and I am not sure when I will hear from him again, we just continue to pray that he can tolerate whatever he is enduring.

On the CC front, I had an awesome happening a while ago that I have not yet blogged about, but think I shall now as several upcoming events involve this happening. A month or so ago, I was notified that I had received a National Jefferson Service Award through my employer and that it involved publicity for our organization (Tabitha USA) as well as a trip to the national awards in D.C. in June and, here is the kicker (and if you did not know where I lived before, this will be a dead-giveaway - and speaking of which, since I am not really anonymous anyway, I am going to start sharing some pictures) I get to ride on a float in the Indy 500 Parade. Yep, that will be me, waving atop my employer's float, doing the elbow, elbow, wrist, wrist wave like a proper princess...ah hem. I was so very excited about this, until the Parade committee refused to allow me to take Doodle and Meesta, kids must be 10 and mine are but 7. SO, they will be hanging with my nanny and her husband at his employers' place of business along the parade route (which is fabulously convenient) and her daughters (who have donated their own money to Tabitha over the years) will be smiling and waving on the float with me.

So, that will be me, atop the float, waving like a goober, but hopefully having fun!

CC

Fine But Don't Reply...

2008-05-19T11:02:00.004-04:00

That was what I just got, "Fine but don't reply" in a text message a little bit ago from D. We had spoken yesterday evening and he told me that others who had prior military training that were there had told their significant others not to expect anything for 2 weeks. 2 WEEKS!!!!! That is insane. I am desperately trying to get a grip, but I am guessing that he sent the text this morning as they were perhaps confiscating their phones or instructing them that they were not allowed to use them or something? Otherwise, if he had it on vibrate, why would it matter if I responded and he saw it later when he got back to his room. I know I am likely overanalyzing this, but that is my best guess. His phone, they probably have it. Grrr.

On a bit of a brighter note (trying to be positive here folks), D said that some of the others were having people come for their graduation, even though the very next day he has an all-day Chaplains retreat. So, I immediately booked the trip. This will just be for me, as the kids and I are all going over the 4th of July weekend. I probably won't get to spend that much time with him, but 10 minutes will be worth it. I can only describe it as a sensation like there is not enough oxygen in my space, that is what his absence feels like. Emotions are so physically tied to our bodies that it is fascinating.

I am soooo close to being done for the quarter with my classes, this is the last week and I am going to have all assignments turned in by Wednesday - can't wait.

Okay, all for now, I am now left with fine but don't reply and will resort to praying that he is up to it all, which I know he is, but praying that he know that we are fine here and despite my emotions, the kids are well taken care of and we are managing.

Yuck.

CC

Today Was THE DAY

2008-05-17T20:37:00.002-04:00

Well, today was the day that my better half flew off for 9 weeks. Now, at face value this seems like a long time, and it is, and I am emotionally reacting this way. However, I am cognitively reminding myself that it is not 15 months as many families are being subjected to, so I do know it could be much worse.

The Day:
*Woke at 3:00, helped D finish his last minute stuff, went to the car, watched my handsome husband carry our adorable sleeping children to the car, one by one, so tenderly and gentle that I could see how hard this was for him too with every fibre of his being.

*Drove to the airport, tears flowing freely the whole way for me

*Said goodbye to my best friend and had to drive our kids home through rainshowers that only existed in my eyes, but could have benefited from the windshield wipers! The kids did sooo good - they had upset time the night before with him.

*We all went back to bed upon returning home and woke up about 7:00

*Decided all the sheets needed washed, things were not smelling fresh, so stripped all 4 beds (obviously out of my mind) and have proceeded to wash and dry and put sheets back on beds during all of my time at home today

*Had to get everyone ready for the funeral of my great uncle, drove to the town (~1 hour away), funeral, cemetery

*Went and had van washed, went to grocery store, came home, more laundry, fixed supper, went and got D's truck from the church and brought it home (crying all the while)

*Gave the kids baths, finished with beds (seriously, what was I thinking!), read 2 books (Bats at the Beach and I love you Stinky Face), prayers, and now they are hopefully snoozing

I have homework to do. I feel so lonely and lost without D. It is ridiculous as he is home very little most of the time b/c of school and the church, but I guess just knowing that he will be home to sleep and I have access to him if needed helps his absence normally. I have cried buckets, ridiculous I tell you, and my darling children have been absolutely incredible. Doodle is mothering me instead of the other way around and Shenzy keeps telling me to take a deep breath, which is what I tell them when they are crying, and by golly, it does help. Meesta is just walking cautiously, not sure how to react and I can't blame him. I am embarrassed by this extreme emotion, but when it decides to crop up, I am having a difficult time keeping it at bay. Thank God for my children. Time and routine will make this survivable, but right now it really sucks.

Day 1. Only 63 more days to go. I do covet your prayers.

CC

2 More Sleeps

2008-05-15T19:47:00.003-04:00

I have 2 more sleeps with D before he takes off on his journey to becoming a military man. Every time I truly consider his absence for this long, I get a catch in my throat and my nose begins to burn. The kids are really having a hard time with it.

Meesta came to me this evening before D got home and was very mopey, just wanting to be held and very close to tears saying he was going to miss his daddy. He then went and got a box, put his favorite stuffed monkey in it and his favorite new team roster poster and brought them to me, saying they were for daddy to take with him. My heart literally needed mopped up off the floor. I explained that daddy would not have much room and that maybe he should just choose one (allowing him to keep the monkey that I know he would truly miss and would be such a sacrifice - but one he was happy to make), so he chose the roster and hid it among D's shirts that were sitting there for packing.

I told D of that story when he got home and I think it is really causing him some emotional angst as well as he is such a great dad and he will miss them more than he even realizes I am sure.

On an even less positive note, my great uncle passed away yesterday morning, his wife found him on the floor unresponsive in the morning. He was only 69. Sad, very sad. He is the youngest of my great-grandma's children and they only told her today. He very faithfully visited her and she will miss him so very much.

ON A BRIGHTER NOTE, we are having FAMILY DAY tomorrow (minus the trip to go to the funeral showing, although that is certainly about family). Shenzy has a speech appointment and we will all go (keeping kids home from school - teachers approved and they already took their Friday tests today), then Doodle gets to get her ears pierced - the little lady is so very excited! Then we will have lunch on the town, run last minute errands, go the showing, have some sort of supper, and then settle down for a family night of movies and cuddles.

D's flight leaves at 6:00 a.m. on Saturday. Please pray for his safety and my sanity. He is my best friend and I will miss him for my own selfish reasons, but also for our kids, this will be a struggle. BUT, I will be positive (I promise - this will be my outlet for woes) and will have more patience than normal and be more understanding and we will have FUN and do cool things - it will be a big priority for me.

All for now as I am rambling on. I am off to finish my homework so I have no more due until Saturday night.

CC

Grateful Mom

2008-05-10T23:17:00.002-04:00

Today has been a busy day, for Mother's Day (a day early), D did a lot of honey-do projects that I have been asking for and that was fabulous. We followed that with a family outing to the minor league baseball team in our area where it was Scout Night and our little scout got to go out to the field, and he loved that. We all ate way too much and spent too much money on bad - yet tasty - food. We are home now, D is writing a sermon and I have just finished up homework and I am thinking about Mother's Day.

I just reconnected with a friend who had endured the hardships of our Cambodian adoptions (both of us having adopted twins from the same orphanage). She lives in a nearby state and we had always thought we would raise our kids to know each other. Well, life happens and we grew apart and I had not talked to her for over a year when the earthquake happened a few weeks ago and I started thinking of her a lot. I felt like God was telling me to get in touch with her - so I finally found her on Friday. A lot has happened in the last year and she is now divorced, and while sad, it is probably a good thing for her and her children, a healthier and happier environment. All of this to say, I am reflecting on children and loss and Mother's Day.

I know that Mother's Day is largely a commercial enterprise for businesses, especially in the United States. But the day signifies that I am among the league of women who are called Mother (sometimes MOMMMEEEE, sometimes mama). I did not come about this title through the traditional route, rather it was a blessing bestowed on me through the gift of the first mother, the birth mother. I honestly don't think about the birth parents too much, our children are so much OUR CHILDREN that it rarely crosses my mind that they did not start out with us. But, the fact is that they didn't, someone else carried them and nourished them in the beginning of their lives. Someone else made the decision that they could not parent them and unselfishly decided that they wanted better for them than they could provide at that time. Those decisions allowed me to become Mom to the most amazing children on the planet.

So, I wanted to take this moment to thank these women for their gifts of Doodle, Meesta and Shenzy, without them my life would be very different and much more empty. I love them without reserve and hope you somehow know that they are cared for, treasured, held, educated, corrected, played with, laughed with, (sometimes yelled at), kissed, hugged, nourished, cultured, and loved to the very fiber of their beings on a daily basis. We are blessed beyond belief.

Happy Mother's Day to all my friends who are mothers and to all those who have mothered you, in whatever way.

Blessings,
CC

Humanitarian Crisis in Burma

2008-05-09T15:07:00.003-04:00

Watch out - 2 posts in 1 day! I could not let this situation go unnoticed by my friends. The situation in Burma is serious and it is scary. Serious crimes against humanity are under play right now, right next to my beloved Cambodia, and the international community wants to help, but they are being turned away. What is to be done? Do we sit by and let hundreds of thousands of people die from starvation, dehydration and disease? How can we? We may be an earth divided by continents and countries with political stratifications that will forever be beyond my comprehension; however, when natural disaster strikes and people are in need, we come together. Our world is like a big fractious family, but when necessary, we can pull together.

Anyway, read this if you choose from Andrew Sullivan, it spoke to me. We have strife over oil, let us have some strife over this. The UN food has not been allowed to be distributed and flights and visas are being denied. Help is needed in the most urgent of ways.

I always think, education is the key. So, let's at least be aware of the situation.

CC

Stimulate the Economy

2008-05-09T14:38:00.005-04:00

I must admit, I have been doing my fair share to stimulate the economy recently. You would think I would be too busy to shop, but somehow I do manage. We did receive our economic stimulus package today and so I decided to help the economy a bit.

What did I purchase?

I got this nifty little gadget: The Flip (in white/orange)

What's better, I bought my Flip through http://www.igive.com/ and Best Buy(if you have not already, please sign up, it is such an easy way to help a charity while shopping online), where not only was it on sale for $129.99, but also a portion of my purchase will be donated to Tabitha USA (my favorite charity). I should have it in just a few days - I am so excited!

I think the Flip will allow me to very easily and quickly (always key) to take videos of the kids and the like and send to D while he is away from us and this summer when we go to Cambodia without Shenzy, we can take little clips daily and send to her back at home. I think it is going to become our favorite little tool.

I have also purchased several (6) of these necklaces that are made out of recycled magazines and the like from families who otherwise would be in the Cambodian massive dump. It is an awesome program and the ladies at Lotus Jayne have procured some cool items along with the necklaces that help those in Cambodia to live better lives that are made out of unusual products, such as recycled bombs and other unique items. They are a smaller operation than Tabitha, but I like their products and what they are doing and I like to spread the wealth and opportunities of the organizations I support. I am going to keep one necklace for myself, then give one each to my mom and D's mom as they are both ladies who will appreciate what the meaning as well as two more to some friends and one to my nanny - because she makes it all possible and she will appreciate it too.

So, I am just saying...I am doing my part!

My Degree Comes in Handy

2008-05-07T22:04:00.002-04:00

There are days when I really value my clinical psychology degree, and the past 24 hours have been indicative of that opinion.

First, I cannot believe that Indiana had me up until after midnight waiting to see if the gap would close all the way and Obama would win. I was so pulling for him and I did my part. I even went to a rally at a friend's house on Saturday (interesting experience) and listened to Jessica Lange discuss her experiences and why she supported Barack (although actresses/actors are not really those whose opinions I value). I did get to hear Barack's campaign COO, Betsy Myers, and she was fantastic! She was the formerly in the Clinton White House (and I read her sister is Dee Dee Myers, Clinton's first press secretary) and then she served as executive director of the Center for Public Leadership at Harvard's Kennedy School of Government. She was intelligent, articulate, and just the kind of person that makes me feel even more solid in my support of Obama, I was impressed with her. However, this was all to say - how did we not do it Indiana! We came close, but I was so disappointed. I think the political differences are most clearly displayed regarding the gas tax and gimmicks somehow won out.

Anyway - this to say that Indiana needs some psychological therapy (tongue in cheek here people, work with me).

Then, do you have those encounters where the person with whom you are corresponding, in whatever realm, is obviously a few fries short of a happy meal... I had one of those instances today and it just makes me glad to have the perspective I do. I do diagnose people as a hobby of sorts. It is bad at work because I work with several psychiatrists and some other master's level folks and we do this. Yeah, we might tell you that we don't, but we can't help it. Now, don't get me wrong, we are diagnosable ourselves, and we admit to that, we are probably the worst offenders even, but somehow we remain functional:) Confession time: I have a touch of OCD and some rather annoying compulsive checking behaviors...good times.

On other notes, work is crazy busy, school is slowing down a little bit and only 2 more weeks in the quarter (then 1 week off....yippee), and D embarks on his journey in a mere 10 days... The kids are good, we have been doing field trips with their school (remind me to tell you about those) and D and I went and presented about Cambodian New Year to about 50 1st graders - it was a hoot to say the least! We took Cambodian fruit, rice with chopsticks, and some pictures. A good time was had by all.

Life is This Good!
CC

A Long Shaky Week

2008-04-19T22:30:00.002-04:00

This has been a long week, but at least the weather is starting to turn bearable. This week seems to have been incredibly long and definitely full of shaky events.

My employer has announced some personnel changes that have left many unsettled. They are offering select employees an enhanced severance package with little knowledge for how things will look beyond the point of choosing to stay or go. In this seemingly increasing economic downturn, everyone is just concerned and considered taking that old CV out of the back of your computer "closet" and making sure it is up-to-date. While I am not personally feeling threatened at this point in time, it is a humbling reminder that we are all truly vulnerable. Keeping me focused on debt reduction!

The next unsettling event was the EARTHQUAKE! Seriously, a big one, here in the midwest! D had left to go work out early in the morning and the next thing I knew my bed was being tossed around as if someone were roughly jumping on it and honestly, I thought there was an intruder in my bed. The fight or flight instinct deep within me went into overdrive as did the overprotective mama gene. I could not have been more relieved when I realized that a) there was no intruder, b) a vehicle was not ramming my house from the outside, and c) that it was ONLY an earthquake. The kids slept through it and D was driving, so I was the only one who felt it. I was shocked at the magnitude of shaking a 5.2 Richter-scale quake could do, it literally shook me awake, and not gently!

The final big event of the week (besides the normal school and work headaches) was our grand idea to have all of the church trustees over to our house on Friday evening for a "thank you" and house blessing. As you might imagine, this included the cleaning, from top to bottom, of our house. Now we do try to keep a clean space, but with 3 kids and both of our school books, regular house paperwork/bills, and my NFP paperwork, it is hard to keep it spotless. But let me tell you, it looked like a magazine on Friday evening, thanks in large part to D and Shenzy who cleaned and hung some pictures and things that we have never gotten hung. I was proud to have them tour our house and we had a nice time entertaining them all, but it was an exhausting endeavour...

Oh yes, how could I forget, my next oldest cousin had a baby girl on Monday. We visited on Tuesday and she is the cutest little button. She slept the whole time so I couldn't see her little eyes, but she truly was adorable and I am excited for my kids to have a cousin on my side of the family that is closer in age. It is so weird to see people become parents, especially people who still think of as so much younger than you, but my cousin is married and in her mid-20s so plenty fine to start a family, but it is just weird. I wish them all the happiness in the world.

All for now, off to bed.

CC

A Can of Worms?

2008-04-12T21:54:00.002-04:00

Okay,this quarter in school, I feel like I am standing in front of a fire hydrant because I am being flooded with so much information, some interesting, some not, but it is making me so very aware of how much there is to learn in the world. It is exemplifying the old adage that the more you know the more you realize you don't know. So stinking true!

Well, part of my classes in the online structure require me to post thoughts on a variety of topics and one of them that I just decided to discuss tonight was regarding the "feminist perspective" in viewing organizations. Now, let me just reiterate, I was raised by a single mom, who was never married, I am very sufficiently employed based on my education and my abilities and I could completely survive financially by myself, BUT, these factors do not make me a feminist. I guess I would just consider myself a "humanist" (is that a word?). I try not to judge based on any factor, including gender, race, education, etc. as every time you prejudge, you get put in your place. So, back to the post regarding feminism...the whole topic came at the end of the chapter and was highlighting things such as females in leadership roles, are more likely to be authoritarian in nature - but if they are, we must define her behavior along the lines of it is her attempt to fit into the predominately male culture...

Well, I think we have come further than that, at least in the places I have been employed. In fact, this book even went so far as to state "ordinary activities in organizations are not gender-neutral". Seriously? Please provide examples? I mean, am I missing the boat completely on this one? No examples were given in the text and honestly, aside of which restroom door I should enter, I can't think of a single example that would prove that statement true.

My lingering question was at what point do we chalk supervisory attitudes and agendas up to personality traits instead of gender traits? Well, that is essentially what I posted, let's see if I get eaten alive by my fellow students.

Am I too far removed from the suffrage movement? Am I blind to it all? I mean, I realize women are by no means in the highest levels of management compared with men, but I do think we are getting there. But, I don't think constant focus on gender is the way to level the playing field, I think it should be based on merit and abilities. Help me, am I in left field? Have I opened a can of worms?

Thinking and thinking, that is what these classes are making me do, I guess I am getting my money's worth!

CC

Happy Birthday D!

2008-04-09T13:12:00.003-04:00

My hubby is turning another year older today! Happy Birthday D! It is amazing for me to think that we started dating when he was 16, we have been together over 1/2 of his life. Wow!

While never boring, we have certainly had our share of adventures over the last 20 years together for sure. We have bought and sold 2 homes. We have adopted 3 children from across the world, we have lost his father and 2 dogs (Foefie and Habi, our newfie babies), started a nonprofit organization, both completed graduate degrees and are now both working on another, become a family who is at the will of either the ministry or the Navy (not sure which is worse - hah!), we have traveled together everywhere we could manage to go (Cambodia 5 times, China 1 time, Florida 3 times, Hawaii, Virginia, D.C. several times, Harbour Island, San Francisco, Monterey, San Juan Islands (Friday Harbor), Oklahoma, Illinois, and likely other fun places I am forgetting.

When I think about how blessed I am to have him as my husband, it is almost too much to comprehend. I thank God for him every single day, I am glad he is my husband, but almost even more, I am glad he is the father of my children. He is my best friend, my favorite person, my safe place. I am amazed how I honestly NEVER get tired of being around him, in fact, just the opposite, I am always craving MORE TIME with him. How cool is that!

Happy Birthday D - I love you!
CC

Coming Up With a Prayer

2008-04-05T22:45:00.002-04:00

I have found a new friend and that is exciting. It is hard to find someone with whom you connect and really WANT to connect. We shall call her Red because she has this beautiful red hair. We met because our kids had gymnastics at the same time and while sitting in the same room waiting, I met her mother who goes to our church (who had come to watch her grandson), and then Red and I just clicked. We have similar personalities and senses of humor and she is just a real blessing for me and we are slowly getting to know each other. It is kind of odd, like dating, because most of my friends are from work or from college or from adoption (war buddies), and she and I have to make an effort to connect because my kids are not doing gymnastics right now. But, one of the greatest parts about her is that she is a great Christian and a career woman who is also a mom. All those qualities are hard to come by in a friend (that you also click with), so I am praying that Red and I continue down our path because I have been missing having a close friendship like that. I didn't realize it really, but once I met her, I realized that I had that gap for sure. Her son is adorable and her husband is funny and sarcastic too, my kind of family!

Anyway, I tell you about Red because we were talking this weekend and I was discussing how I am already getting that catch in my throat when I think about D going away and being gone for 2 months this summer for Navy training. I am really trying to keep my calm and cool demeanor, but on the inside I am freaking out. The rationale side of me knows that going to the East Coast for 2 months is a far cry from going to the MIDDLE EAST for 15 months, and that he will be fine and all of that happy stuff. The irrational (and seemingly dominant) side of my brain says OH MY GOSH, MY BEST FRIEND, MY KIDS' DAD, MY LOVER, MY EVERYTHING, is going to be gone for 2 months. My chest gets tight, my eyes sting and my nose burns at it all. Now, I don't mean to insinuate that I am not a very independent chick, because I truly am, but I love this man so much and home is where he is. I will miss him painfully and the kids, well, I will obviously do my best to maintain an optimistic outlook, but they will miss him so much. He plays differently with them, he knows how to roughhouse, he LIKES to play outside (I really don't...), he lightens the mood when I am frustrated, he brings another perspective. I am going to miss him terribly.

So, Red comes up with a beautiful suggestion, every time I feel this way or when he is gone and I am missing him (by the minute), that I should come up with a prayer to say in my head that will strengthen me and carry me through this challenge. See why I like her? What a great idea. So, I am in the midst of trying to find a calming, strengthening prayer that I can call my own that will help. I know that I tend to be very self-sufficient and do not rely on God enough, even though I am fully aware that I am able to be self-sufficient through the gifts that God has given me. I don't like to be vulnerable though and this position leaves me in a position that is not really comfortable. I keep reminding myself though that it is through those times that I can grow in my walk with God.

Any other suggestions?

Life is This Good,
CC

Manhattan and the Food Emporium

2008-04-02T22:39:00.003-04:00

Well, my absence can be explained by my trip to New York as well as this PhD annoyance that I have attached myself too. But first to the fun stuff, my trip to Manhattan was great (although I missed D and the cherubs very much).

Highlights of the trip:

1. Ground Zero and the drawing from a child above. It is a storyboard of sorts that shows the Twin Towers being crashed into and then the towers, who appear to be made up of hearts (how incredible is that), falling apart but it is through the flying up to heaven of the hearts. It took my breath away and I am so glad to share it. Through the art of a young child, I was so very touched. The rest of the Ground Zero experience was incredible as well. The St. Paul's Chapel that was right there, and had NO WINDOWS even break, was just goose-bump creating. The church itself has turned into a sort of shrine and has lost a bit of its holy factor (at least for me), it was wonderful to know that the church was such a useful and special place during the days and months that followed the tragedy. This visit should be required for every American, it left me speechless indeed.

2. Seeing Lady Liberty - that was cool, but COLD. We waited in line for the ferry for almost 2 hours, brrr. It would indeed be an awesome sight if you were new to the country and came upon that symbol of freedom after traveling the seas for weeks/months.

3. Seeing a play, November, starring Nathan Lane. While I must admit to being disappointed by the proficient use of the "F" word, mostly during the first act, I also had my feathers slightly rumpled by the negative language surrounding one of the character's adoption of a child from China. Essentially, the President was offensive to every single group you could think of, and that was the point, so while I acknowledge it was on purpose, it still was a good little prodder for how SOME people in society view international adoption "buying", etc. Regardless, it was still neat to see a play up close and personal.

4. Going to the big Macy's. Ridiculously large and when we first arrived they were having a Flower Show and there were gorgeous flowers everywhere! My aunt who went with loved it as she is a major gardener.

5. Going to ChinaTown and Little Italy. I bought no fake purses, wallets, or sunglasses - I didn't find any I liked! It was fine, but I actually think I liked Chinatown in San Francisco better!

6. I LOVED all the little grocery stores, delis, etc., that were on every street corner it seemed, with my absolute favorite being the Food Emporium . Why oh why can't we have one here! I was loving that as it was only a block from our hotel.

7. The Top of the Rock - Rockefeller Center, it was beautiful to see New York at night from up there. The ice skating rink was also cool to see in person, much smaller than it seems on t.v.

Okay, that is all for now, I have finished my assignment for today for school (only 5 more to go this week!!!) and am ready to crash.

All for now,
CC

Clean House

2008-03-22T22:15:00.002-04:00

Million dollar question....is it possible to keep a house clean with 5 people, and 3 of those 5 being youngsters and the other 2 being college students along with being parents and workers?

Given that I do not have a million dollars and I hate to keep people in suspense, NO, it is NOT possible to keep one's house neat and tidy all the time! GRRRR.

Keeping up with the weekend for the most part, very very busy one. Had brunch with the kids and one of my best friends today, that was nice and it gave D some time to finish up his sermon for Sunday evening. Then, I had to scurry to the grocery store - it was very busy. Which is good, people are celebrating Easter, hopefully remembering what it truly means.

Then we went over to the church and hosted D's family for Easter lupper (lunch/supper) and hid some eggs and had a jolly good time. LOTS of kids, there are 14 kids under the age of 18, but everyone had a good time with few fights and meltdowns.

Came home, chilled out for 1/2 hour (should have been accompanied by some wine...darn) and then started doing my homework that was due tonight. It is now done, dishwasher is ready to run, washer and dryer are going, more eggs are boiling, and I am cleaning in preparation for my family that will be coming to our house tomorrow (much fewer kids). D has sunrise, then 3 services in the morning, then he preaches in the evening. It has been a very busy weekend!

Kids are fabulous though and it was a nice day.

Hope all is well with my blog friends,
CC

Surviving

2008-03-21T22:55:00.003-04:00

Well folks, I knew last quarter was too good to be true, I am working my tail off to keep up with my classes this quarter. I am talking government, policy and politics with people how have been working for the government for 20+ years. Yea, um, I want to be savvy in those areas, but the truth is, I am a 34-year-old biology undergrad, clinical psychology master's chick who knows didly about the Federal Letters and comparing and contrasting different aspects among the various levels of government! YIKES, what have I gotten myself into!

I have yet to fill you all in on the experience at the BIG RAT. Well, despite myself, everyone had a great time! We spent a fortune, but really it was nice to feed everyone pizza and the fruit pizza that we had made, and their pizza was actually good! (I ate the veggie in an effort to stick as closely to my WW Core Plan as possible). I am glad we did it and the kids were very appreciative, so that was nice. I might have to get my hair colored sooner though after the day, but for the smiles and joy of my babies, it is a small sacrifice!

I think I mentioned that they wanted donations toward a well as their gifts. Well, they received funds (so far) to fund 5 wells in their birth country. How awesome is that! They were so excited and kept asking, "Mom, how many people can we help now?" It did my heart so good:)

My work has picked up lately so that is keeping me hopping and I have been doing paperwork for Tabitha as well as for our own personal taxes. So surviving is truly my mantra right now. But, it could always be worse, so just venting, not complaining!

I leave for a long weekend next Thursday with one of my aunts (the one whose husband died last year) and 2 of my friends from work for a trip to New York (one of our cheap tickets!). I am looking forward to it as I have always wanted to go there, but am stressed about leaving D and the kids, but I know that time away is good for us all, makes us appreciate each other that much more.

Speaking of going away, D is going to be gone for 2 months this summer. TWO MONTHS! I am dreading it more than I can express and get all teary whenever I let myself think about it. Then I get a grip and remind myself that I have tons of support here, he could be going to Iraq or Afghanistan and that this will be a good test for me of when he goes off on a ship for 6 months in a couple of years. Still, I am dreading it and will be a slobbering mess all over this blog. I will warn you when it is time to turn away...

All for now.

Happy Easter to you all. We have had a very nice Maundy Thursday and Good Friday services so far. Tomorrow we host D's family and Sunday afternoon my family (then D preaches Sunday evening). Yes, things are never boring around here!

Girls

2008-03-13T12:21:00.003-04:00

Girls, myself included, definitely tend for a flair of the dramatic. I don't say this without proof - including my own behavior at times - and to prove my point I shall share my morning.

It actually peeked into warmish weather yesterday and so the kiddos played outside after supper before Doodle had dance class, getting all dirty and kid-like. We did not get home from dance until 8:30ish and I made the executive decision that we would have showers in the morning (read: mommy was exhausted and thought I would feel more equipped in the morning AND it was past bedtime). To add to this, the kids are having their SECOND school pictures of 1st grade. They already had pics, the ones where the put your picture in the yearbook, we complied, we purchased, we were model parents. Well, this second round is just money-grubbing as far as I am concerned. We are going to get family pics before D leaves for military training so my cherubs looks will be captured on my terms in the near future anyway.

Okay, I am digressing. First, Shenzy decides that she wants breakfast BEFORE her shower. If these activities don't occur in this order, I shall make you all miserable. Well, we did not let her have her way and I heard crying and moaning for at least 10 minutes. I mean seriously? Shenzy, you have been up since 6:02 and have watched your shows while I have tried to catch another 10 minutes of sleep. A period of time during which you maul me like a bored bear cub. Did I not provide you with a fantastic morning so far? I let you watch grown-ups singing ridiculous songs because they have reached cult status and are making more money than I will ever see. Must you then CRY FOR 10 MINUTES over NOTHING!

Then, post shower and in her dress that she requested, Doodle comes to the table with crocodile tears in her eyes, trying so hard to hold her **IT together. I took one look at her and asked what was wrong, at which point the floodgates opened. She went from a 2 to 200 in about 1 second flat. Fearing a seizure, I picked her up and took her to her room in an effort to both diffuse a seizure by calming her down and by trying to dispel the mystery that is a cute little girl crying for no apparent reason. Crying like someone had just beaten her up out back, but nothing had happened. After a good 5 minutes of doing breathing exercises with her and having her blow her nose and count to 3, and me playing guessing games like I was going to win a quiz show once I got the right answer, I came to the realization that her tights were too tight. You get that? The tights (which by name should not be loose) were too tight. Okay, I was proud of my calm. I told her then by all means, please remove the offending tights, go have breakfast, and I will solve this critical sob-inducing problem. Five minutes later, all was right with the world and she was singing and skipping.

All of this in the midst of my trying to get ready for work. And Meesta, where was my handsome lad you ask? He, the boy who got a "free pass" from doing his homework yesterday evening because of his good behavior at school (still not sure about the logic behind this from his normally hard-driving teacher, but that is for another day - perhaps it was because she knew the weather was going to be fabulous?), he compliantly took his shower, ate his breakfast, asked for more fruit, then decided he WANTED to do his homework anyway. So he did, without incident. WHILE his sisters were possessed by someone power of the perhaps full moon??!

The important point, I actually kept my cool. I have been praying that I exercise more patience during times like these and I am happy to report that I did. And, I know that sometimes a girl just needs to cry, without reason. Maybe Doodle is upset about something else that she will share when she is ready, I did ask her, but she said no, really it was just the tights. Hopefully my little ladies proceed to have a great day, letting their negative behaviors out at mom and dad, knowing we will always love them anyway.

CC

5 Sleeps Until the Big Rat

2008-03-10T10:38:00.002-04:00

The twins will be turning 7 very soon and despite my own sensibilities, we are throwing their birthday party at the place with the Big Rat (ChuckECheese). A new Big Rat was built in our area about a year ago I guess and I have never taken them there. In fact, they have only been to the Big Rat on 2 (maybe 3) occasions ever. I don't know that I am thinking, but it was the allure of not at my now-small house, the kids LOVE it, their friends will LOVE it, and it is 90 minutes of time total. They will get a performance, some pizza, soft drinks and I will provide the fruit pizza birthday "cake". We are having the party on the weekend although their big day really occurs next week.

The fruit pizza birthday "cake" has been a tradition since the kids came home. They have never been huge cake lovers, but they could eat fruit all day long for every meal, with the exception of some pasta thrown in for good measure. So each year for their birthday, we make a big fruit pizza. It is their thing and I like that they have their own take on the whole cake thing.

The fact that they are turning 7 is so wild to me. They were just turning 1, in Cambodia, and we were in a room in a hotel in Cambodia with lots of new found friends and their new children. It was chaos, but a very unique and beautiful scene, one I will never forget. We have celebrated every birthday with them so far and for that I am so grateful.

I hope those who loved them first in Cambodia can feel the energy through the winds of how much they are loved and cared for. They are our life, our reason, our true joy. Thank you for the opportunity to love them. In fact, that makes me think of one of my favorite books that the kids own, it is called "Whoever You Are" by Mem Fox. It is a beautiful book with a powerful message to everyone. If everyone took it to heart, there just might be peace on earth.

Okay, I am off for now to work...and remember, it is only 5 Sleeps Until the Big Rat...

A Little Bit Political

2008-03-07T13:00:00.005-05:00

Okay, I generally steer clear of controversial topics, but I just read a piece on the internet that spoke to me and watched something the other day that really spoke to me. I am inspired by Obama, I have been a political junkie since his hat became entrenched in the ring.

On one hand, I really want him to win, I think he will do some of the really hard leg work to make the political machine in Washington more effective. On the other hand, I am concerned that the events that are already here, including the economy and the current state of politics (and the drastic changes that he would have to make occur) would not be easy and could leave him with a splotchy legacy. But, I would rather he get in there and give it a shot. I respect his wife, I respect how far he has come and his obvious intellect. And while Hillary complains about his speeches, I could listen to them over and over.

One example is this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l0L2GEBhd2w

Another interesting take is provided by Andrew Sullivan who is a democratic political blogger:
http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/the_daily_dish/2008/03/the-clinton-rul.html. He posts frequently so go to the one from today entitled the Clinton Rules.

Now, I realize everyone is entitled to their opinion, but mine right now is full-force ahead for Obama. I am inspired...

BTW, we are definitely a house divided with the hubster being a McCain supporter.

Shenzy knows him by name and comes running whenever she hears him speaking...my little protege.

CC

A Sad Tail X 2

2008-03-06T15:46:00.003-05:00

Yes, I know that I spelled tail wrong, it was on purpose.

My first sad news is that our dearest Monte had to go find another family. She had an aggressive streak that was getting worse instead of better. She would growl occasionally when an adult would just calmly pick her up, staring right at you. Kind of eery. Also, her play had become rather aggressive with the kids and they were getting scared of her. We tried to redirect and correct these behaviors, but knew that it was going to be an uphill battle. I think her breeding was just such that she was not going to be the best family dog. I did not want the kids to become scared of dogs, so she is no longer in our family. She could be the sweetest thing, but that was becoming less and the aggressive more (and yes, this was beyond normal puppy play or aggression). We fondly wish her the best, on a farm in the country... We have since become the proud pet parents to 3 Betta fish, one for each child - no aggression so far;)...

My second is that one of my big fears came true, Doodle had a seizure at school on Tuesday, in the cafeteria, with all the other 1st graders during lunchtime. She has grand mal seizures and typically lets out a rather loud and animalistic noise when this happens and she did that again, which seems to be what scared everyone. She had an aura and had raised her hand to tell one of the lunch monitors that she did not feel well, but the lady did not reach her in time before she fell off her seat and cracked her head very hard on the floor while seizing. It is hard for me to even write that, it makes my heart ache for her and want to prevent this from ever happening again. She did not vomit afterward, which is fortunate, and the only positive. This is the first seizure that we are aware of that I have not been there to hold her through. It has been a big struggle for me to cope with, the fact that I simply cannot be there with her all the time, and that all I can do is prepare her to deal with this with grace and humor if at all possible.

I worked from home yesterday and went to the school for some classroom games and the first group of kids I had (4 of them) for a riveting game of Word-O, a little boy asked me if I was Doodle's mom. When I said, yes, he said that it was really scary yesterday at lunch when she screamed and had the seizure. I reassured him that I was sure it was scary and to let him know that it was scary for Doodle as well and then further asked if they had any questions (their teacher had talked to the whole class after it happened - Doodle had left school), they didn't. I asked them what they should do if they are in a different classroom without their normal teacher and she should have a seizure, they all said, go get an adult. I then also asked them that someone should stay with her too to keep her from being scared. They all said, yes they would. I think my visit was a good one and I am glad that I went in, it seemed to help her as well.

The nurse, who knew she had epilepsy, sent a note to all the teachers via email and explained how her seizures looked and what they should do specifically. I was relieved that she did this.

I get really bummed and then try to regain perspective. This could be so much worse. She could still be in an orphanage in Cambodia where she would have no access to medical care and she would likely be mistreated for being "crazy" and "possessed". I can't fathom she would be nurtured and loved much. I cringe at the thought.

All in all, I am still thankful that life is this good...
CC

Her Name Was Monte...

2008-02-25T19:49:00.002-05:00

Her name was Monte, she was a baby girl.... (are you singing her name was Lola...she was a showgirl?...). Please forgive, it is the sleep deprivation I am certain. We adopted a dog, her name is Monterey Sniffigans, but we call her Monte for short. Her mom was a stray who showed up way out in the country and proceeded to give birth to 13 puppies! The new owners put an ad in the paper and before I knew it I was driving home with a 5-week-old puppy. Yes, you read that right, 5 weeks. The mom was done nursing and the owners were desperately trying to find good homes and low and behold, here we are with a BABY PUPPY.

Miss Monte is now 7 weeks old and we are all surviving. She is actually very intelligent and is going to the bathroom outside MOST of the time, which is remarkable for a dog her age, but my goodness is she exhausting! We never had a BABY BABY in our house, the youngest came home at 10 months, so this whole baby thing is quite challenging. Perhaps instead of the flour sack babies that home ec students have to carry around for a week as a deterrent to teen pregnancy, they should be given a very young puppy. That should keep them abstinent!

The kids are doing well with her and I have high hopes that once the weather finally gets warm enough, we will have lots of fun walks and adventures with Miss Monte at the park that is so close to our house.

On other notes, I have officially completed my first quarter at Walden and I am going to shout it out that in one class I received 100% and in the other 99.58% - and I am bragging now because they were easy intro classes and I am fairly certain I won't be seeing grades that good again. So, yea!!!!!!!

I also started WeightWatchers again. I am doing pretty good and am tracking it all, even when I go over, that is hard. I am already in the 180s again, so hard to believe THAT is considered progress, but it is what it is. My goal is 155, I would be feeling lovely then. The ultimate goal would be 140, but for now, my goal is 155.

I owe you all an update on the New Years Resolutions, things are looking pretty good in the financial realm. We are about to get our bonuses and that will put a significant dent in the nasty debt monster.

Well, that is all for now. I promise to post a picture of Miss Monte soon!

Life is This Good!
CC

The Book MEME

2008-02-12T10:27:00.001-05:00

I have been tagged! D over at Dedicated 2 Financial Freedom tagged me to join in this one.

Here are the rules:

1. Pick up the nearest book of at least 123 pages.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the 5th sentence.
4. Post the next 3 sentences.
5. Tag 5 more people.

Okay, my reading is not always very exciting given my profession...so here goes.

I picked up the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition (a.k.a., DSM-IV).

The term organic mental disorder is no longer used in DSM-IV because it incorrectly iimplies that "nonorganic" mental disorders do not have a biological basis.

Next 3:
In DSM-IV, disorders formerly called "organic mental disorders" have been grouped into three sections: 1) Delirium, Dementia, and Amnestic and Other Cognitive Disorders; 2) Mental Disorders Due to a General Medical Condition; and 3) Substance-Related Disorders. A delirium is characterized by a disturbance of consciousness and a change in cognition that deveop over a short period of time. The disorders included in the "Delirium" section are listed according to presumed etiology: Delirium Due to a General Medical Condition, Substance-Induced Delirium (i.e., due to a drug of abuse, a medication, or toxin exposure), Delirium Due to Multiple Etiologies, or Delirium Not Otherwise Specified (if the etiology is indeterminate).

How is that for exciting reading! How many people diagnosed themselves with anything....fess up!

While I read a lot of blogs, I don't post on too many, so I will just tag those that I DO post on.

I am tagging BSquared over at A Look on the Bright Side, Chris at Mrs. Broccoli Guy, Rachel at Are We There Yet?, and Heather at Living With A Child.

CC

To Cali and Back

2008-02-07T12:24:00.000-05:00

I know, I up and leave and don't check in, I would love to be grounded.

Since I have been gone, I did trade in my old mini-van, pay $3,500.00 of the difference out of pocket, get a newer (not new) minivan with few miles and am happy with my decision.

I have paid off one bill, and am working on continuing the debt reduction, feeling good about that.

D and I went to a conference near Monterey California (hence the picture above) and spent less than $200 of our own money! My employer has started giving "points" that when you reach 500, you can cash them in for an AM EX gift card and I had done that and received the card the week before we left - woo hoo! It was a nice getaway and it was fantastic to meet some actual Navy Chaplains AND their wives (no female chaplains were there...) and to truly get some networking and information. It was fantastic. I am excited about that phase of our life to hurry up and get here!

The kids did great while we were gone, but Shenzy has gotten another nasty cold and despite 2 trips to the doctor now in less than a week, she is still hacking like an old smoker man. I just want to FIX them when they are sick, but "it just has to run its course". Grrr.

School is going well, I am in Week 10 of my first 12-week Quarter and I am looking at 2 A's! Yee Haa!

That is all for now,

Decisions, Decisions

2008-01-13T11:31:00.000-05:00

I used to drive a lot, not for enjoyment, but because my previous roundtrip from home to work (with no side stops) was exactly 62 miles every day. When you add that up, along with the fact that my van was our primary family vehicle, weekend errands, etc...my van has 110,000 miles on it now. Within the last year, I have spent almost $2,500.00 fixing various ailments to my MOT (mode of transportation).

Well, the stupid check engine light has just come on AGAIN. It seems fine and I think it could be due to the gas cap needing replaced, which should be simple, but nonetheless, the check engine light, it came on again. AND, the passenger door that opens by itself at the lazy push of the button on my keychain, it is making a noise as it opens. I just want to scream. I am not mechanically inclined. I do not like depending on others for a ride or help.

So, the decision I must make, do I get rid of this van or keep tolerating it for now. It is NOT paid off, we are always upside down on vehicles due to our previous mileage issue, but now that we have moved, I am driving much less, which is nice. Not only am I saving a ton on gas, but I am also not putting as many miles, wear and tear on my vehicle.

My thought that is becoming more prevailing is that as long as I have to make a payment, I would rather not also have to be making repairs. Therefore, I am beginning to lean toward getting rid of this one. It goes against my debt reduction plan, but so do the unexpected (and almost constant lately) repair costs. My debt reduction is focused primarily on credit cards - the vehicles were not part of my resolution numbers.

I must have a reliable car, not only for my own transportation to work, but also for the safety of the kids. This van has served me well, but I think it is time for a new/newer one.

Okay, there are my ponderances for today.

*I exercised 3 times last week (meeting my goal)
*I am eating much healthier and even made some 0 point WW soup yesterday.
*Debt reduction is going well

All for now. I have 2 homework assignments due today and some paid-work to do before Monday morning.

CC

To Resolve or Not to Resolve

2007-12-31T14:11:00.000-05:00

With a new year a few hours away, I have been wrestling with whether to make any resolutions. And while they may be cliche and while I may have missed meeting my goals previously, I think I will plunge forward and make a few anyway. So without further delay, here are my 2008 resolutions:

Exercise a minimum of 3 times/week (this can be at the gym, at home, outside, wherever, whatever, just try to make it a habit).
Eat healthier (more veggies, whole grains, fruit, fish; less red meat, junk, unhealthy stuff).
Continue with my PhD, even though I know it is going to be a challenge, keep positive and remember that if God brought me to it, God will see me through it.
Lose a minimum of 30 pounds (hopefully more).
Pay off a minimum of $24,000.00 in debt this year (hopefully much more).
Revisit these goals on a monthly basis to see how I am doing, as close to the first day of each month as possible, provided we are not traveling.
Get a pedicure at least every 2 months, sounds pampering, I know, but that is going to be my self treat and my feet are SO UGLY right now given that they have been neglected so much! This will be my treat resolution.

Wish me luck!

A Sick Shenzy

2007-12-30T19:37:00.000-05:00

So the pinching of the wonderful Christmas actually hurt! Shenzy has had a cough and intermittent fever since last Monday, but not too bad. The fever got progressively worse as did the time between when she was feeling her feisty self, so I took her to the pediatrician on Friday. Diagnosis = she has a cold, bring her in on Monday if she still isn't feeling good. Okay, fine.

Saturday, she went down hill ever more and by 2:00 a.m. Sunday morning, I was throwing on some sweats, her coat, and heading for the emergency room. I try not to be dramatic about illnesses, but I personally know 2 moms whose young children have subsequently died from what seemed to be common illnesses, so that is admittedly in the back of my mind.

Well, given that we are "new" to our area, I had not been to either emergency room closest to ours, but decided on the one closer to the big town and it is also only about 2 years old, so it is a nice new facility. Whatever. We ended up waiting for almost 20 minutes for intake, despite the fact that we were the ONLY PEOPLE in there, and that was only because I went back up to the registration desk, with my 35 pound bundle of HOT baby girl, and "queried" why we were still waiting. We were seen within 2 minutes then.

She had a temperature of 103 in the ER, still very puny and lethargic, we were able to get a urine sample (for that alone I believe I should get mother of the year), and finally we were given a doctor, about my age, who said "I am not impressed" no less than 4 times - which was his idiot approach to bedside manner that was supposed to mean, this isn't this bad. Arrogant jackass. He initially stated that he would do a chest X-Ray, but that was just a precaution as he was certain she did not have pneumonia. Well, guess what, she has pneumonia. AND, possibly a urinary tract infection, which if she does (they are growing cultures) we will then have to consult with a urologist for possible structural issues with her urinary tract. Seems odd to me, but we will know more on Monday.

The nurse (or aide or whatever he was) then brought me her first dose of antibiotic at the ER so we could get her started on treatment and when queried about how much to give her of the remaining bottle before I fill her prescription, said "I think 8 ccs". I just stared at him as only a mother who has slept 0 hours in that night and not a full night's sleep in the past week could and said, for your sake, you had better do a quick calculation and make sure the medicine you just administered to my 3-year-old was the correct dosage and what exactly it is that I am supposed to give her at home. I literally saw the words law suit stamped on his reddening face as he apologized and did the calculation, showing me the numbers.

Then, as a final guffaw, Shenzy developed a shooting bloody nose, as in she was eating a Popsicle and all of a sudden the purple Popsicle was RED, in 1 second, it was scary. I got it under control, but it was all over her and her clothes, so I told her to sit still and went down to the nurses desk to inform them, and the doc and aide came tagging along behind me, to which the doc said "I am not impressed" again and when I gave him the I might hurt you, seriously, I might, look, he said, that is a good thing. He then asked what I wanted him to do??!!! I just looked at him and said "apparently nothing", and he flubbed around getting me some wet clothes to clean her up with, but what a MORON.

We have had an up and down day since arriving home at about 6:00 a.m., D had to preach at 3 services this morning, so I was home alone with all 3. Shenzy is good for a while, and then when that fever decides to spike, she is a miserable little thing all over again. We are doing our best to manage the fever and hopefully the antibiotic will help very soon, but good grief, I am exhausted and feel helpless.

This adventure has taught me that I will NOT go back to that ER unless someone has a severed limb and it is the closest place, that I am glad that I have good health insurance and it does not even pass my mind whether I can afford to go to the ER with my sick child, that I am glad I am outspoken and educated in the medical and pharmaceutical fields, as I can see how easily it would to be intimidated, pushed under the rug, unattended, etc. in that situation.

May Shenzy be healthy and back to herself SOON!

CC

The Best Christmas Ever

2007-12-27T11:32:00.001-05:00

I am still in "pinch me" mode as I have just experienced a truly great Christmas. This Christmas with the kids was by far the best ever. They were truly appreciative of their gifts, they loved them, played with them, said thank you when appropriate (without being prompted), and then shared, played and DID NOT FIGHT with each other. The fighting has resumed a bit today, but not much. They are loving staying at home, relaxing, never taking off their pajamas, and having D and I full time just hanging out. Seriously, this is how every Christmas should be. This shows me that we need to just hang out at home more often than we do.

I snuck out of the house for lunch with a friend yesterday, but other than that, we have not left the "nest". D has to go to the dentist and to work for a bit today, but hopefully we will be snuggled back down to do not much again today. I have homework to do - still have 100% in my classes - let's hope that can continue! It is definitely much harder than I was anticipating, but I am already learning a lot.

Ahhh, so very relaxing!

CC

A Good Good Day

2007-12-12T12:31:00.000-05:00

Have you ever noticed how the mood of others' influences you? I am aware of it, but not too much on a normal basis. My dear hubbie tried something on his unsuspecting family yesterday and it was rather amazing, so I will share.

Tuesday mornings for the last several years, D has fixed breakfast (sometimes cereal, sometimes steak and eggs - one never knows) for his senior high youth group. You might think, what kid in his/her right mind is going to get up and go eat breakfast at the church - before school? I would guess 0. Well, D has some sort of cool aura about him and the kids LOVE HIM. They come, at 6 in the morning, to meet and fellowship. He has taken them through some unique things over the years, with one of the coolest being the practicing of ancient prayer practices. He tries to make them aware of the larger world and to be more compassionate and understanding of others in this big orb we all inhabit. Yes, the reasons I love him are many.

Anyway, getting sidetracked, so yesterday, he came back home after breakfast and started telling the kids and yours truly that it was a "good, good day". How do you not respond positively to such a pleasant statement and the positively charged environment that surrounds it? He even managed to make Shenzy (of the morning Sybil personality) smile and become more pleasant. It was downright amazing the effect that his very positive attitude and mantra of it is a "good, good day" had on my the rest of the day. It worked on the kids too.

So, I wish to you all to have a good, good day. If you embrace it, you will!

CC

Back to School - Do I Have Time?

2007-12-08T19:19:00.000-05:00

So I have officially begun my PhD work. The degree is far removed from my previous education and daily work (BA - biology and MS - clinical psychology), so I am a bit intimidated as this degree will be in Public Policy with a focus on Nonprofit management and NGOs. While I am very excited, it has also already a bit overwhelming. One problem is that my paid employment has been OVERLY busy as of late and I have been working ridiculous hours to try to achieve something in like 1/4th the normal time. I get the fun projects:). Anyway, back to the degree, it is an online program (http://www.waldenu.edu/) and it is going to be challenging. I had some concerns about it being an online degree, would it be rigorous enough, would it be respected by others? Well, Week 1 has conquered several of my doubts.

Wow, by Day 3 I had to decide on one of my major research topics. By DAY 3! It had to be something related to democratic governance, a problem I would like to investigate and propose a solution to. I decided to pick the issue of multiple departments of government being involved with international adoption and how problematic this can be. I know of a great piece of legislation that was proposed called ICARE, primarily written by a friend who has recently started a new organization that I would urge you all to join, EACH. McLane is very motivated and has not only the knowledge, but the experience and passion to make this work.

Anyway, with the degree, paid employment, Tabitha work, kids activities, their homework and all the Christmas-related activities - this month is going to see me sleeping a LOT LESS. I know that I can do it though, so I am trying to remember to do it all with a good attitude and to not take my fatigue out on my family. Top this off with a sinus infection and I am just beat and ready for a long winter's nap.

Despite all of the above, I am looking very forward to all the Christmas-related activities for the kids. It is so fun to see the holidays through their eyes, they truly sparkle with excitement.

Life is THIS GOOD,
CC

Good People

2007-12-02T18:41:00.000-05:00

Yes, I would love to raise kids who are successful, healthy, full of all that life can offer...but more than anything, I want them to be good people. So how do we define a good person? To me, a good person is one who considers the feelings of others, who strives to make a difference in the lives of others, and who does all of this because it makes them feel good, makes them feel closer to God, makes them feel whole. Teaching this can only be done so much through talking, D and I must live like this so they can see this behavior, and while we are FAR from perfect, we do our best.

I like to have "dates" with each child by themselves, I enjoy spending the one-on-one time with each of them and they enjoy this special time with me too. All of the kids went with me to the Breakfast with Santa and Santa Shop activities that my dear hubbie helps put on at our church, so the morning was a bit hectic and full - talk of what to tell Santa they wanted for Christmas and lots of fun. Well, that afternoon, Meesta and I left the ladies with daddy and we went on a date. We ate at Cracker Barrel and I saw the nicest older gentleman who was eating by himself and just cheerful and relaxed. If I was not on a date with my little guy and wanted to focus my attention on him, I might have asked him to join us, but who knows, caution is always important these days...unfortunately.

So, as we receive our bill, I asked the waitress to please provide me with his bill too and to tell him Merry Christmas when it was time for him to receive his. This little tradition is something my hubby and I started on Valentine's Day several years ago. We decided that we didn't need anything from each other on the "commercial" day of love, rather we decided to share the love. We went to our small diner for supper and secretly arranged to pay for the meal of two ladies who were widows and dining together. These gestures are certainly not out of pity - these ladies could have bought and sold us in a minute, it was out of love, to share a nice surprise and gesture. Those widows went crazy trying to find out who had paid their bill, but we had sworn our waitress to secrecy. Since then, it is something we do from time to time and D has since taught his youth group this and they love to do it on Mission Trips when they all eat out.

So Saturday, as we left, I explained to Meesta what we had done on our way out. And while I am not sure he completely understood, I could see the wheels turning and could tell he liked the idea.

I hope that we do raise good people. Now, don't get me wrong, I hope they are financially successful, happily married and parents to amazing little grandkids - but more than anything, I hope they are good people.

Wish us luck!

CC

How do you know?

2007-11-26T20:57:00.001-05:00

So a question has been popping into my mind more and more lately, and I just can't come to a settled conclusion. What, you ask, would puzzle CC to such an extent? It is simple, is our family complete?

It is such an overwhelming question and there are days that I say yes, and moooostly mean it, but most of the time I say no and do meet it. I believe we have another son, somewhere, out there, you know, somewhere. It would be adoption as our babies don't arrive the traditional way, but the work and time and funds that are involved are all-consuming and I just don't know if I have it in me to do it again. The adoption of the twins was very very difficult and I truly likely have a bit of adoption PTSD because of it all. Shenzy's was less traumatic, but still all-consuming.

When I ponder whether our family is complete or not, I typically come to the conclusion that it is not, but that our son (should there be one...somewhere) will find us. What does that mean - well I am not sure exactly. I just have the feeling that somehow we will be notified about a child that needs a family. That has been my gut instinct as I have prayed about this over the last year or so.

Tonight, I received an email from a friend informing me of a situation about a boy that might not be able to stay in his home and I could not help but wonder if this was him. I do not have that gut instinct that it is absolutely him, but I wondered. Time will tell of course, and perhaps our next (and final) child will "adopt" us when he is older, a friend of one of our kids or something, maybe that is what my gut is telling me.

With our 3 here plus our 2 girls in Cambodia, you would think I would not have these thoughts, but we have a lot of love and the resources to care for another child (sans the college tuition thing...) and I wonder if we are done? How do you know?

CC

Thankful

2007-11-24T10:45:00.000-05:00

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays, it isn't about presents, just family and good food. For the past 3 years we have had "nontraditional" Turkey Days, last year we rented a cool log cabin in the woods and spent our time playing games, hiking, and enjoying the hot tub in the dark; the year before that we were in Florida as well as the year before that.

This year D and I made a traditional meal and had our moms come over to eat with us. It was nice and relaxing, and the kids enjoyed time with their grandmas. I have always been thankful for the relationship our parents have had, easy-going and non-threatening with each other.

We then went up to my Aunt P's house, where my other aunt, uncle and cousins were as well and we played Apples to Apples and Outburst, both fun - but very loud games with the number of us and our spouses, etc. It was nice to be with Aunt P though as this was her first year without my uncle who passed away in February to cancer. I am thankful that she is continuing onward and trying to find joy when and where she can, despite her tremendous loss.

I am so thankful that we have healthy happy children, including our girls in Cambodia. They have been in contact with us and they have hopes and dreams for the future that hopefully we can help them fulfill. We continue to be concerned over our Doodlebug's epilepsy, but must remain positive and thankful that she is here and we can get her the best treatment available for it. Meesta and Shenzy remain their delightful selves as well, full of fun and life.

I am constantly giving thanks for my husband and our relationship. While we have been through some serious transitions this year with school, moving, selling house, him being gone so much, etc - we have come through it stronger than ever and more committed to our dreams and goals. I am blessed beyond belief.

I am thankful for a warm and safe house, enough food to eat, transportation, my faith, my family and my friends.

I AM THANKFUL.

Life is This Good...
CC

SOLD

2007-11-04T21:33:00.000-05:00

After many prayers and some concessions to a very rich and much older man...our beautiful home has sold. This is a very good thing, but also sad. We loved that house, it was a dream come true for 2 kids who grew up fairly poor. I had envisioned seeing our kids float down the stairs in their finery for their first dance...their prom...graduation...weddings. That house was where we brought our Shenzy home to and where Doodle and Meesta started kindergarten. They all climbed the trees, they hunted for Easter eggs, they built snowmen, they rode bikes, swam in the pool - and they LOVED that house too. We are all a bit sad.

BUT, we are now MUCH less in debt than we were Friday morning, we are on a very clear path to D becoming a Navy chaplain and our family traveling the world. We can focus our energies on the kids and their activities, our educational goals, our jobs, our health, and continuing to reduce our debt AND our garage full of STUFF that ended up here (not to mention the storage unit that is also almost full).

It is the end of an era in some ways and the beginning of another...an adjustment and a new way of life.

317

2007-10-29T22:35:00.000-04:00

My cholesterol level is 317. You might think I am lying and am actually a 500-pound truckdriver who never exercises and only eats fast food. Mysteries of the internet...

Seriously, 317. I have just turned 34 years old, I have 3 children, no gall bladder, tonsils or adenoids, but otherwise really healthy. I am scared and have let barely a hint of cholesterol pass my lips since I discovered this fact a week ago. I am already on meds, hopefully just until I get it down to a reasonable level, I have kicked up my workout routines and am eating only what God has made, nothing processed.

It's all about the cholesterol reduction right now.

Other updates:
*We had a fantastic time in Friday Harbor, I could seriously live there.
*We are supposed to sell our house THIS FRIDAY...please, please let it happen
*We have to have everything OUT of our house this Friday...by 10:00 a.m. - YIKES.
*D is rocking school, but it takes every waking hour.
*I am swamped at work and preparing to start my PhD program on Dec. 3...I think I have lost my mind, but am very excited.
*The kids are so very excited about Halloween, they are so stinking cute and had a party on Saturday where they dressed up, so cute that I almost wanted to break my ban on posting their pics, but I will try to withhold.

Despite all of this, I am relieved that I live in a country where I have access to healthcare and medications and that I can afford this healthcare.

Life is still this good.
CC

Pchum Ben Festival

2007-10-04T14:25:00.000-04:00

Our two girls who still live in Cambodia, L and L, are always near and dear to our hearts. One commented to me recently about the upcoming Pchum Ben Festival in Cambodia and I had to stupidly admit that I had no idea what it was, so I turned to Prof. Google and thought I would enlighten my memory in the future and any readers who might be so inclined to want to know...

One of our girls said that people visit their families and travel far sometimes, but that unfortunately they could not visit theirs - meaning us, this makes my heart so heavy. But, there is nothing more we can do but provide for them in Cambodia the best we can and love and pray for them, which we do.

"In Cambodia, there are various religious festivals. Among those, Prachum Benda (”Ancestors’ Day”), more commonly known as Pchum Ben, is a big Cambodian religious festival, culminating in celebrations on the 15th day of the tenth month in the Khmer Calendar. It lasts for fifteen days. Pchum Ben is the fifteenth and final day of the ceremony and consists of a large gathering of laity for festivities at the local Buddhist temple. The days leading up to Pchum Ben are known as Kann Ben. In 2007, the holiday falls on the 11th of October in the Gregorian calendar.

Religiously, Cambodians believe that although most living creatures are reincarnated at death. However, due to bad karma, some souls are not reincarnated but rather remain trapped in the spirit world. Each year, for fifteen days, these souls are released from the spirit world to search for their living relatives, meditate and repent. So, the fifteen-day is time when Cambodians pay their respects to deceased relatives. Furthermore, it is an important opportunity for living relatives to meditate and pray to help reduce the bad karma of their ancestors, thus enabling the ancestors to become reincarnated and leave the torment and misery of the spirit world. People cook meals for monks, bring offerings to the temple and throw rice near the temple early in the morning, believing that their ancestors will receive it.

Terminology:
Prachum Benda (Pchum Ben): meaning “gathering together to make offerings”
Prachum (Pchum): meaning “gathering together”
Benda (Ben): mean “offering”
Kann meaning “hosting or holding”
Source: Khmer Institute"

All Female Family Vacation...

2007-10-02T20:58:00.000-04:00

Well, I have finally recovered from my trip to Florida with the women in my family, 1 mom, 2 aunts and 2 cousins made the trip. Exactly WHEN did this sound like a good idea????? Oh yes, one of the cousins is pregnant. Well, we did enjoy some beverages and if you can't tell, this little picture is of a monkey - a monkey that hangs on the side of your drinks, one of my aunts brought them along for the festivity and they became a joke about being the object of affection for the little geckos/lizards that were everywhere down there. Sick humor, yes, I am aware.

Let's just say, families feel free to be themselves, the good, the bad, and the ugly with each other. We had lots of laughs, but bad moods were evident and feelings were hurt at times, I guess that it just the way families are - or is it just mine?

At home now, D and Meesta have colds. The old house is hopefully going to be sold/close at the very end of October/beginning of November, seriously praying that it does.

D was officially commissioned into the United States Navy as an ensign on Friday, the first layer in the officer realm. The ceremony was short and sweet but very meaningful and truly signifies a new adventure for our family.

I have also been working on getting my application in for a PhD program and it is almost done...so I am about to embark on something I have always wanted to complete.

The kids are doing well though, I am running too much and 1st grade is still kicking our behinds, but we are making it.

Be back soon!

Tabitha USA

2007-09-15T11:44:00.000-04:00

Heather, your question about our foundation "outs" me in a way, but in a good way I guess. I have always maintained somewhat of an anonymous stance on my blog, but I have never said anything I would be ashamed of or feel does not represent me, so I guess I am going to out my identity in a way.

Our 2 oldest children were born in Cambodia and we had a year-long struggle to bring them home through a rather politically tumultuous time regarding Cambodian adoptions. I was very outspoken about this situation and the year gave me time to fall in love with the country and realize my responsibility as an adoptive parent to not just take these children in need, but to open my eyes to ALL of those in need. I learned a lot during that year, and of course even more since then. I wanted to support an organization that was truly helping people to help themselves, not giving a hand out, rather a hand up. We found these qualities and a spitfire of a director through the Tabitha Foundation, a non-governmental organization (NGO).

Shortly after arriving back home from adopting our children, I emailed the director and asked her why there was not a Tabitha USA as there were organizations in Canada, Australia and the UK. Her reply will never be forgotten by me, "Because no one has ever asked." Well, that was the voice of God smacking me in the face and telling me to get off my duff and make a difference if I could.

I bought books, researched the internet and learned truly how to start a not-for-profit (as a dummy). I have a biology undergrad and a master's degree in clinical psychology - I have never in my life taken a business course! But, many stressful months after I began, we had our not-for-profit status and we were off and running. We became Tabitha USA at that point.

Since I am "out" now, I will talk more frequently and fervently about Tabitha USA as it is a passion of mine. It is all-consuming, exhausting and ever so rewarding all at the same time. We are in our 4th year of operations and have helped raise over $300,000.00 so far to help the people of Cambodia through housebuilding, well digging, tuition payments, cow purchases, bicycle purchases, seed purchases, and on and on. You can find a list of options through our website by clicking on the community development tab at the top.

I thought I would check on YouTube to see if I found anything and by golly I did. This video was made by some volunteers through Tabitha Australia so while the contact information at the end is not the same, it gives you an idea of how housebuilding trips go (and this is just one part of what our organization does). We have had the fortune of actively participating in 2 such builds and are planning our 3rd for next year. Suffice it to say, once you go and experience an adventure like this, you are forever changed for the better.

Thanks to Mark from Tabitha Australia for the video!

This one is cool too and a bit of an "ad" for a trip upcoming next year. It is pretty cool as well. As a global foundation, it is nice that we can use the talents and ideas of everyone to work towards the improvement of so many lives in Cambodia.

CC

Happy 90th Grandma!!

2007-09-13T22:21:00.000-04:00

90 years is what we celebrated tonight for my great-grandma. It is so hard to even imagine what she has lived through, experienced, rejoiced over and mourned over. I have known her all of my 33 years and honestly can't think of a nicer human on this earth.

If you remember we almost lost Grandma a couple of times over this last year and she has been through some rough times and has more to come, but tonight she was in great spirits and seemed with it cognitively. All of that in itself is a gift, but having such a beautiful light still shine on this earth is an even greater gift.

I never want grandma to suffer and when God is ready for her, I hope she is able to go peacefully, but I am reminded tonight of how special she is to me and how lucky I have been to be influenced by her.

Happy Birthday Grandma,
I love you, a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck.
(we say this every time we part, it is our thing)

CC

0 Days Seizure Free

2007-09-09T15:20:00.000-04:00

You know those signs that calculate how many days "accident free" for work sites or manufacturing facilities? Growing up in a town with many factories, these signs are still frequently highlighted outside factories like scoreboards. Well, I feel like I have one running in my head, but this one is for our Doodle and her number of days since her last seizure.

I have been getting cocky, even taking her to the pediatric neurologist less than 2 weeks ago and proudly announcing she had not had any seizure activity since our last appointment, as if I had somehow been the model parent and prevented any nasty seizures from entering our little girl's head...no overactive brain activity here, no way.

Well, last night ended our run and it always throws me for such a loop and sends me back to square one with wanting to protect her and hold her close all the time, watching her every move for the most minuscule of signs of seizure activity. We had all just gathered at the supper table for her favorite meal, spaghetti and meatballs with garlic bread. She had been fine all day, having soccer practice in the morning, playing outside, taking a bath, and then hanging out the rest of the afternoon. Nothing unusual or overly stressful. Well, she first complains about the garlic bread (not normal) and says she doesn't want any and that she is SO TIRED. Well, we just thought it was an attitude because we had the fresh garlic bread from the deli area instead of the frozen kind. Then she layed her head on the table and I told her to sit up...she said I am so tired...and then her eyes rolled back in her head and she begins to seize.

I hurried around the table to her and lifted her up, talking gently that she was okay and would be okay, told D to come and help me and then all of a sudden she unloaded (vomited) a great deal on me. everywhere. While gross, this seemed to bring her back around and we made it to the bathroom (and then the shower). She did get sick one more time within the next hour and then seemed to be back to normal. I did sleep out in the living room with her last night though just so I could keep a complete eye on her.

It scares the absolute &(%T out of me, every time. Cockiness gone, I am going to start looking online for a bracelet or necklace for her to wear that indicates she has epilepsy. Now that she is in 1st grade without Meesta in her class, she does dance class, gymnastics and soccer - if I am ever NOT RIGHT THERE, I don't want there to be any confusion about what is going on. I really didn't want to "label" her this way and we have done everything to keep her life as normal as possible, but given the suddenness of this last seizure, I feel I am actually doing her a disservice if I don't take that step.

On a slightly less serious note, after the initial seizure and vomiting episode, D was trying to keep the other 2 kids from being freaked out by the experience so he told them to "eat up". Please keep in mind I said that we were eating spaghetti...and the smell was less than appealing. I didn't have time to consider how hysterical this was until today...but poor kids, how COULD they eat with the smell and general grossness of it. I am sitting her still laughing about it.

Please keep Doodle in your prayers, it is no fun for her at all either.

CC

We Have Moved

2007-09-07T19:20:00.000-04:00

I have been gone, but with very good reason...we have been moving, and not much unlike the covered wagon shown above, but a bit more primitively even...! My dear husband, who never wants to be a burden to anyone, decided that we could use this OPEN HOMEMADE GREEN WAGON made by an older guy in the church to move our possessions, BY OURSELVES ONLY.

We have moved almost everything now and have actually been sleeping at the new place for 2 weeks officially today and it is slowly starting to feel like home. It is just a completely different house, no cathedral ceilings, one level, 2 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms. We have condensed a great deal. This house does have GORGEOUS hardwood floors throughout the house though and is so incredibly closer to just about everything and is on a pleasant dead-end street (like our old house) that it is going to work and meet our needs.

As for our old house, we just accepted an offer on it today, but it is a contingent offer and could fall through so we hope that either someone else comes through with another offer and forces the other people to do something or that they get their house sold quickly and are able to close. Once we sell it - we will have NO MORTGAGE payment. It is beyond my imagination really. We should be able to become debt-free completely before we leave for the Navy, hopefully with a bit of cushion as well. That will be an amazing feeling.

The kids are doing great and adjusting well to school and are loving their activities and busyness - let's just pray that I can keep up. We found a cool walking area very close to our house and I joined a gym close by that I can go to FREE through my employer:).

All in all, everything seems to be going very well and I am happy.

Oh yes, not to forget, I spent today training our new employee for the NFP, that is such an amazing relief to me, I cannot explain it. It is going to be a great life-changing positive for me for sure.

All for now, just wanted to check in...

In The Navy

2007-08-21T20:54:00.000-04:00

Well, it is fitting that my 100th post should be addressing some very important news around the CC household. My dear hubbie, the man, my high school sweetheart, my best friend - he is officially in the process to become a Navy Chaplain. He is now in the Chaplain Core Candidate Program and our life is now forever changed. It is exciting and unnerving and so full of unknowns and uncertainty and yet so full possibilities. We shall see what the future holds!

Also, as things should never be boring, we are moving into our new house, bit by bit as there has already been painting going on and I have been getting necessities like a banshee. It is amazing how each house can be so different and require different things. What do I mean? Take for example shoe racks. At our current house, I have the over-the-door jobbies, well in the new house, it will be better to have the floor racks. Things are rarely simple or easy are they?

Meesta and Doodle are rockin' 1st grade and Shenzy starts preschool tomorrow and she is excited. So, once we survive the move, the only thing still up in the air is the selling of this house. I know it will happen when it happens and I need not be so stressed about it. I have been told before that Worry is a sign of a lack of faith in God....I will try not to worry!

Life is this good and so full of excitement!

CC

1st Grade Overload

2007-08-16T08:20:00.000-04:00

First grade X 2 = Overload!

Well, Doodle and Meesta survived their first day (1/2 day only) of 1st grade yesterday and now they have just left our house with D to embark on their first FULL DAY of 1st grade. They are so stinking adorable and yesterday was smooth sailing even though it was a new school and they are in different classrooms. A huge sigh of relief for me.

There is a lot to know for first grade, at least as a parent! Kindergarten was definitely not quite as full of need-to-know information. I can't wait until we get into the groove and all is a well-oiled machine.

One thing that will help for sure is that we will be moving sooner rather than later to be MUCH closer to the school and both of our work. The house closes on Friday and hopefully the painting, etc. will be done and we can start moving in within a week! Which leads me to my next panic - I HAVE NOT PACKED A THING! The good news is that there is no rush to move out of our house yet...the bad news is there is not rush to move out of our house, ya know, like someone wanting to move into it?! Oh well, God has led the way for all of this to happen so far, I know it will all work out, I just need to continue to try to let go a bit more.

Life is GREAT (perhaps I should look into self diagnosing...you know, my last post was about a good cry and now all is well...do you sense a bit of mood swings?!)

CC

A Good Cry

2007-08-13T19:32:00.000-04:00

Today was just one of those days, one when the world feels to be against you, plotting to turn your every move into the next catastrophic disaster. It started with a bad morning when Meesta needed a lesson in hurting feelings and giving a darn, continued with a frustrating situation at work, finalized by the loss of 2 teeth by the Doodle (her first 2) that we MISSED because we were both at work. All of the above, compiled with my exhaustion by all of the other factors stressing me (hubby gone A LOT this summer, no exact move date, no bites on our house, work stress, NFP tax time, FATNESS) and I was a woman in need of a good cry.

I cried, a good one, and then felt much better. Now, I am sitting here on the computer, kids behaving, hubby playing the guitar and setting up his new computer (he REALLY needed an up-to-date laptop), and me having 2 seconds to blog and all is suddenly right with the world again.

Sometimes, a good cry is all you need!

Life is this good...

CC

Food Poisoning, Purse Nabbing, TONS OF FUN

2007-08-05T18:44:00.000-04:00

D and I took our trip to San Francisco and had the most wonderful time. I absolutely LOVED the city, so full of life -Despite the title! We stayed in the downtown, theatre district and it was perfect; our hotel was completely outdated and musty in an old-fashioned way. I had no idea when I booked it, but the price was right and since we were trying to bargain this, it was the best choice. For those who might be interested it was the Beresford Hotel. It was within walking distance of the ferry, Chinatown, and an overload of cool dining opportunities.

We hit the town in pretty much 2 1/2 days, from top to bottom. We walked miles and miles and ate some delicious food, had some good beer, wine, and the best time hanging out together.

The evening of our arrival, we went out and had some beer and socialization at an Irish bar - something we NEVER do at home, but it was fun to do out and about. Then we went to this outdoor, Italian-type area that one of the bartenders had recommended for supper. The food was okay, nothing really good and by the time we walked home, I was feeling kind of out of sorts, but just figured it was my exhaustion (about 3 hours of sleep the previous night and the 3-hour time difference). Not the case, within 15 minutes of being in the hotel room after dinner, I was in the bathroom and was rather ill for a good 15 minutes, and then as soon as I had gotten sick, I felt fine and slept the night through. Not the best, but at least it was quick!

The next morning we went on a winery tour of 4 wineries, they were all very distinct, but the bummer was that we both enjoy pinot noir the best and NONE of these 4 had this variety as part of their standard tastings. No worries, we still had a great time and the properties were beautiful. We met at the Ferry building for this and returned via a ferry on our return and I wish our town/state had something even remarkably close to this building. It had tons of cool shops/restaurants, including a creamery, yummy veggies, breads, wines, you pretty much name it and they had it! I could have camped out there for a long time.

We went to the Fisherman's Wharf and toured a submarine and WWII ship, did Pier 39 and amused ourselves with the antics of the sea lions at Pier 39. To get to the Wharf we did the world-renowned trolley car and that was a fun experience. We had to hang on and hang out the entire time, which was actually a good time as we went up and down the hills. The drivers are full of Attitude and the cars move when THEY decide to move them.

We rode the bus and found our way to see some of the cool homes, like the Painted Ladies. This was directly after we had witnessed the purse nabbing so I was still a bit on nerve by that whole experience, but it was still cool to see them, I had just lost a bit of my nerve. We were walking down this side area, but it was large and broad daylight and appeared to be a main thoroughfare when we see 3 suspicious-looking young men, then we stopped a local-looking lady and asked her where to go to see the Painted Ladies, she told us where and we were on our way. Not a minute later, we hear yelling and shouting and see one of the young men running our way with a purse. I backed away towards the wall and D starts to lunge his way as if to go after him and I yell his name - having no idea if this idiot had a gun or knife - and fearing the worst; fortunately, there were 2 other guys on this guy right away, they wrestled him down and almost had the purse, but the guy managed to get away from them...then they CHASED HIM and finally came back after a few minutes with the purse in hand. They were some seriously heroic - if not brave/stupid - young men and the lady got her purse back. BUT, it left me a bit "off" I guess. I am sure we could have been the ones had it not been that we had stopped and talked to that lady.

That evening we went to a great Thai restaurant (having already enjoyed a MARVELOUS Chinese meal in Chinatown the previous night) and then a night trolley ride to finish getting the kids gifts.

Overall, it was amazing and the diversity in sound, people, lifestyles was cool to absorb.

I would HIGHLY recommend a trip to San Francisco! I enjoyed the city and my husband immensely!

CC

What is Too Much?

2007-07-26T20:58:00.000-04:00

Given our upcoming move, we will be living MUCH closer to actual places of business, places that cater to children and activities and FUN.

So this evening, while Doodle was at dance class, I signed her and Shenzy up for dance class for the fall, then downstairs is gymnastics and I signed all 3 of them up, and I am also signing them all up for soccer this fall.

Is this too much? Am I going over the top now that we are actually near things they can do? Shenzy is just now old enough to do some things and she is more than ready to do activities. Doodle and Meesta have always done things, but typically just one activity at a time.

I have typically thought that too many activities for a little kid is overkill, and now look at me, signing them up for everything! The gymnastics and soccer are both fairly short term and gymnastics can be continued, so really the only long-term activity is the dance for the girls. I guess time will tell and every child is different...

All for now,
CC

At The Same Time

2007-07-25T18:47:00.000-04:00

Tonight, while cooking the cherubs' gourmet supper (hot dogs, ramen noodles and cottage cheese), I hear Shenzy and Doodle arguing. Apparently, and this is where this post goes into the too much information category, Doodle was doing her #2 business on the downstairs potty and Shenzy decided she needed to do the same. Shenzy convinced me that she needed to do the same RIGHT NOW, so I turned the heat down on the gourmet meal and took Shenzy upstairs and down the hall into the kids' bathroom....yep, Meesta was doing HIS #2 business on that potty! So, Shenzy and I went into the parents' bathroom so she could join in the #2 festivity. All 3 at the same time, what is up with that?

Who knew that this activity was like yawning?! Now what are we going to do when we move and only have 2 pottys?

As I think of this, and this note is already about poop...funny story from today, at least to me... In my role, I help create documents and some text was given to me that had been approved by at least 2 physicians and a statistician for me to incorporate into a document. As I am reviewing the text that was given to me and circulated widely...it read ".... and shits upward..."! I burst out laughing and showed the physicians what they had "approved". It was supposed to say shifts upward. We all had a good laugh and well, it was appropriate to share with you today. Is that pathetic humor or what?

Life is This Good,

Adoption Musings

2007-07-24T21:31:00.000-04:00

The journey of being a parent is challenging for anyone, because, well, because kids are challenging little people and there is no handbook.

It seems that the older my kids get the more additional challenges seem to be popping up because they are not biologically our children. Also, one of my best friends, "N", was adopted from Vietnam and some of the issues that she has endured sadden me, but also are a learning lesson for me in what NOT to do. So, while my day-to-day life with my kids does not in any way revolve around adoption, it seems to be creeping into our awareness in little ways daily.

Examples...hoping that I handled it right...

*Meesta, Doodle and I were getting Meesta's hair cut at a chain hair cutting place and then almost immediately after sitting down, the hair cutting person comments on his hair and says that his hair must be just like daddy's...none of us responded. After the haircut, I had the kids go sit down and I gently mentioned that his hair did NOT look like his dad's and that she might want to be careful with comments like that in her line of work (could be a domestic adoption situation where the child doesn't know they are adopted)...she responded defensively.

*This past weekend while at a different church, an older lady said, "oh, are these your adopted children", and while I know that she meant no harm, I could not bring myself to say "yes", instead I smiled and replied "these are our children".

*While at a ballgame for Doodle earlier this summer, I walked over to say something to her and a bratty little teammate of hers hatefully said (as I was beginning to walk away), "who was that?". I should have given Doodle the chance to respond, but this girl truly is a brat, so I turned around and said "I am her mom" and then smiled at Doodle to reassure her. It crushed me (but hopefully she did not think much of it), but that little girl assumed I was not her mom because my skin was a different color. I guess that was something new for me for a kid to question who I was...this girl really is a brat though! (now who is defensive, right?)

These are just a few that immediately pop into my mind. The situation with Meesta did come back later that day. He is a deep thinker and usually processes things for a while. That evening, my friend N was at our house and was in their room helping them get ready for bedtime and Meesta looked at her and said "you have the same hair that I do", she didn't think much of it and said "yep, we are from the same area of the world". I think that was good for him, made it seem okay in a way.

I don't know, just deep thoughts for a Tuesday evening. My biggest hope is that I am doing things right and not messing their little minds up with respect to it all. I love them and consider them my biggest responsibility and challenge. I just pray that I guide them as God wants me to...

CC

P.S. The yard looks great and ALL the flyers on the house out front were gone when I got home...that is good!